4) Doing My Patriotic Duty

This is the story of displaying my country's flag for our independence day. It takes effort but makes me patriotic. I get injured (If there's blood, it's an injury). There's also the tale of my boring Friday nights, my bed trying to break up with me, lots of drama and my mom realizing her daughter is nuts. Welcome to my life!

31st August, is my country's Independence Day.

In celebration of our Independence Day, every year, without fail, my mom will put up our country's flag, for the entire month of the national day celebration, till 16th September. The entire nation is encouraged to do so to show our love for our country.  

So my mom has been telling me for weeks that she hasn't yet put up our flag this year. Not hinting. My mom doesn't do hints. It's straight out, "it's a few more days to 31st August, the flag is not up yet!" 

But when you come home from work, exhausted, thinking of the workout you have to do, before you can bathe and have your dinner, while waiting to just fall on your bed and sleep, did not really get me all excited about putting up the flag. 

I would like to imagine I look this pretty falling down on my bed in exhaustion. 

But in reality, I look like this. 

Ok. That's an exaggeration because honestly even this whale looks cute doing its back flip thing.

Sometimes I do feel sorry for my bed. The suffering it has to endure, having to put up with my body on it, day after day... Pretty sure my bed screams in agony when I approach it.... I have this gut feeling that my bed and my weighing scale are conspiring to leave me and run away together.

Can I really blame them... Who would want me on top of them... 

I feel you, really I do... 

No, bed. Don't leave me. I'm sorry for the pain my body puts you through. What you have to handle every night... and sometimes in the afternoon during weekends, when I feel like a nap.

I know it's a hard life, I'm sorry. I wish I was lighter and sexier, so you could at least enjoy having me sprawled on top of you. 

I'm working on it, ok... Just hang in there...

Wait!!!! Are you breaking up with me??? 

Yeah.. I'm a little weird, Steve Harvey.. But I'm cute, right?

3) I'm not Single, I’m just Romantically Challenged

Sharing my thoughts on the movie, Never Been Kissed, and the TV series Alias... in my usual rambling, I-wish-she-would-stick-to-the-point, what-is-wrong-with-her, way... 

I go on and on about those two movies and other movies I've watched, from Little House on the Prairie, to Life is Beautiful, to Columbo, and 12 Angry Men, to Game of Thrones and Lord of the Rings, in a strictly you-call-that-a-review-it's-all-over-the-place way.... 

There's also some embarrassing prose about my celebrity crush, Tyler Hoechlin... And my nobody-asked-her-or cares-but-she-wants-to-share-anyway TMI confession... about being romantically challenged...

Hey, if Josie Geller can make a confession like that. So can I... 

Of course, she gets a kiss from a gorgeous guy at the end of her confession... Me??? All the action my mouth wants is sinking my teeth into a delicious chocolate truffle... preferably spiked with rum...

Probably not a smart move talking about chocolates spiked with rum in front of Mr. Goody Two Shoes, Clark Kent... 

I wish there were more men like Clark Kent.... Or John-Boy Walton...

I like goody two shoes men... but most men nowadays seem to be goody half shoe... sometimes no shoes at all...

Cause I'm into the Clark Kent kind of guys - the ones who gush, are sweet, dorky... and shy... 

Not the Bruce Wayne types, who changes women like I change toothbrushes... which is usually every few weeks... because I wear out the bristles pretty quickly... My teeth are Wolverine wanabees... 

 

What it feels like for my toothbrush bristles... when my teeth get to them...  

Anyway... When you're someone like me, who can resist many things... but not when it's covered in chocolate... 

And you discover alcoholic chocolates for the first time... that your siblings were nice enough to buy for you... it's when you realize why Forrest Gump said life was like a box of chocolates... delicious and sinful!

Oh yes, Elsa and Anna... I hear you...

You know you're of a different kind of... let's just call it... the “limited edition” species... when you wish you can high 5 characters from an animated movie, for their love of chocolates... 

Actually when you wish you could eat their chocolates... Those chocolate eclairs in the movie, although in drawing form, sure did look good...  

Tummy approved...

 

 So sexy...

I do have a tendency to watch animated movies... and since I don't have any children to use as an excuse for watching them.... I have to watch these animated movies in the privacy of my home... 

Because after all, why else would you have kids? You need the kids as a buffer... Other than using them for your own viral video... 

Like it doesn't matter if they are dying.. or in pain... A parent's first thought used to be “I NEED TO SAVE MY KIDS... OH POOR BABY... STOP CRYING”... 

Nowadays, it's just “Where's my phone!”....

Sorry kids... I guess it's tough being a kid in the 21st century.... 

They already have to suffer through 21st-century parents putting fancy names for them.... 

It used to be simple ones like Tyler... Now the names are just plain weird, hard to pronounce or remember.... 

Like naming kids Cabinet... Cabinet Smith...

Sorry, Cabi... I feel you, bud.

Anyway, animated movies... Love their cute, funny characters... especially the kids...

If I could I would so adopt Agnes.... 

I don't care if she's animated... 

I don't discriminate...

Hmmmm... Now that I think of it... 

Maybe "adopt" is too strong a word... 

 

I do have a tendency to get overly attached to the films I watch... 

I screamed at my tv, “yes pick her pick her” when Meredith Grey gave her “pick me, choose me, love me” speech... Maybe I even cried a little... 

My heart melted (the fact that it was Tyler Hoechlin saying those words made it even more melting-worthy) when Clark Kent said the lines, “There was no going back after the first time I saw her”... which was how I felt the first time I ate a creamy potato salad. 

Like I wish I had one of those thingamajig... what do you call them... yeah... boyfriends... so I could give romantic tv character speeches to... 

But then again, I'm not really the type of woman who would beg a guy to love her so... yeah... maybe not the Meredith Grey speech...

But I did once tell the bowl of ice-cream I was eating, “Nothing truly ever made sense until you came into my life”...  It was a rough day, I was feeling mushy...  

Another time, I came home from work... and saw my mom had cooked spinach curry, my favorite,  with green peas, also my favorite.... in that special way she does it... 

And it had been months since she cooked it last... and I almost lost it... I hugged the pot of curry and cried...

I think I said, "I'm just a girl, standing in front of you spinach, asking you to love me... or at least to taste as good as I remember you"...

 

Luckily my mom didn't say this to me... or maybe she did... internally... but hey... as long as it wasn't said out loud...... I guess she's used to the crazy things I do... 

I mean she has caught me saying, “You complete me” as I gazed lovingly at the slice of pizza I was eating... 

Slowly and softly to make it sound more sexy... like you see all those seductive women doing on tv...

I didn't look sexy... 

I looked like "Donkey" from Shrek...  

I did make the mistake of doing the sexy voice thing to my food... in front of my mom, who asked me, “why are you talking in that voice.... are you sick?”... 

Glad to know that my sexy romantic voice is the same as someone being sick...

Maybe I should date an animal too... like say a werewolf... the Derek Hale version...     

 

Not liking the idea, eh Derek?

 

This is also my mom's general reaction around me... 

I guess when you have a "unique" daughter like me... the Derek Hale exasperated expression tends to come naturally...

But I'm not a total loser... I don't always say words of endearment to food... 

I occasionally say it to my dumbbells... Which is not weird at all... It's not like I call them my honey iron bunny... That could be considered weird... I'm not the cooing honey bunny kind of person anyway...

Although when I go on holiday or if my family visits, and I can't do my workouts for a while... when I'm able to come back to my workouts again, I say “I've missed you” to my dumbbells... Wait, is that weird?

 

Looking at those biceps, Tyler, you probably understand loving your dumbbells too, don't you?

 

So I guess nothing surprises my mom anymore when it comes to me... Why do you think she's trying to sell me on eBay... 

I mean... she would if she knew how to use eBay... 

Cause I'm the one who usually does all her online things... like updating stuff to her social media accounts...

I mean she can ask me, "Can you upload the photos of these cute kids and their Catechism work to Facebook"... which she usually does... but she can't exactly say, "Can you find me a new daughter online... a higher grade one... and see if it could be exchanged with you"... 

Cause that would be tacky...

Really nobody cares? I thought my life is a constant source of entertainment... 

Who am I kidding... Even I get bored when I start talking...

I'm rambling, aren't I? I'm sorry... 

Those rum chocolate bars sure did taste good...

 Which is how I feel right now...

Oh man... when you start a blog post with the resemblance of a drunken babble...  

So anyway... Back to my review of the movie, Never Been Kissed...

 

 

I watched the movie "Never Been Kissed" the other day... 

And you realize nothing makes you feel old than finding out a movie you watched... which had seemed like just a while ago... is now 20-years-old... which also makes you 20 years older...

Gasp... 😬

I kid...  I'm actually fine being older... Grey hair... Wrinkles... Looking old ... People saying my mom is my sister.... Calling me aunty... 

It's all FINE! 

Ok maybe not the calling me aunty part... 

 

I get the "look older than my age" a lot too... but hey, I'm fine! 

 

So anyway other than my total aversion to people calling me “aunty” (I've boycotted shops and refused to go back when they do that)... I actually have no issues with getting older and all the trappings that come with it... I don't do botox or lifts... Or wear cream... 

I dye my hair cause my sister and sister-in-law ask me to.... And I say yes because I'm scared of I love them...

So anyway, was feeling nostalgic... so I watched the movie...

 

I also craved pie watching the movie... 

 

You know how when you're in school... and your much older cousins, who were like in their 20s, tell you,  

“You say you hate school now... but just you wait... once you finish school and start working like us... you're gonna miss your school days”....

Hmmmm I'm sorry to disappoint them... but NOPE... I don't miss school at all...

I love working... I don't ever want to go back to school... 

Which is why I would never tell a kid that they will miss their school days... I'm all like, "You hate school? I feel you... Hang in there, my school-ies"...

I see young kids, going to school with such a miserable, forlorn look on their face... and I get it... 

Like seriously... Sitting in the hot, stuffy classroom... listening to teachers droning on about medulla oblongata... while you think of oblong burgers....

Yeah... School... Sorry... No hard feelings... But honestly.. I don't miss you at all...

But then again... forget my school days... the present isn't so good either 😩 but that's just venting for another day. No energy for the weary contemplation of my life today. 

Ok... I kid... My life isn't that awful... I just like to act like I'm some brooding gal... Probably due to recently discovering my old collection of Simple Plan songs... so I'm on full angsty why-does-everything-happen-to-me mode... 

Anyway, I came to the realization that I'm Josie Geller, but not in a cute, "I can have the gorgeous Michael Vartan falling in love with me" kind of way, but more in a 'scare-the-children' kind of way.

I'm dead serious. I scare kids... They literally stare at me like they've just seen a sexy (I wish)... scary troll... Their eyes following my every move as they stare at me in complete, and utter fear. 

Some take the 'Harry Potter and Troll' route and run away screaming as if I had just said "me hungry, we wanna eat you". 

Sigh... Why, kids, why?? No. Don't run away. 

Aunty good. Aunty looks like Shrek but Aunty won't eat you. 

Unless you are a potato, which Aunty likes... very much.  

Yeah kid... I know I know... I'm a little weird... I even scare myself sometimes.

2) I wish everything was as easy as getting fat

#NoPainNoGain This is the tale of my weight loss struggles and my attempt at dieting, and doing a good, long workout to get the weight down... There's sweat... There's pain... And there's daydreaming of Tyler Hoechlin... "You're such an inspiration", said no one to me ever. 

So after writing my previous blog posts complaining about my weight and being hurt by the things people say to me, I decided to take control of my life. 

I decided to start my weight loss journey today. 

I'm all geared up. No more whining. No more complaining. I'm all action. 

Here's to the start of the BRAND NEW ME! I'm going to do it. I know I can. Going to achieve my goal.

 

Day 1

Here goes! I'm so excited... I can't wait to start losing weight....

So I start with a nice workout on my stationary bike... a healthy breakfast of oats... a light lunch... then an after-work workout session... salad for dinner..

 

The next morning, I get on the scales.

OH BOY! OH BOY! 

I can't wait to see my new weight. 

I must have lost a ton of weight..

I GAINED 3 kilos!

1) The Tale of My Big, Fat, Boring Life

This is the tale of my big, fat, boring life... The constant struggle with people who say hurtful things that make me feel I am not really worth anything... and I wish I could just bite them... but then again they could be a little too stale for my taste... so I wrote this blog instead... to share my grievances... 

I realize I may be a little odd... Like who writes a blog post talking about biting people because they made fun of you... but not doing it NOT because people shouldn't go around biting other people... but because they may be stale... like their jokes... My jokes too are stale.. but I try not to overthink that too much...

 

Growing up, I was the kid in school... that was slightly "different"... who enjoyed books more than boys... wasn't into the latest boybands, which was the thing in the 90s... as I was more into the oldies my mom introduced me too... 

"You have to listen to this... it's really good"... was all she had to say...

And listen I did, being the dutiful daughter I am, and I'm saying this "dutiful daughter" thing not only with a grain of salt... or a pinch... it's more like the whole bottle of salt... 

But then as it tends to happen, I find that my mom is always right, and not only did I enjoy the oldies then, but now, years later, I still do... 

 

My mom was also the one who got me interested in books... Introducing me to authors like Georgette Heyer and her Regency tales filled with humor and swashbuckling fun...  

And Jack Higgins, whose books, are as manly a book as you can get, with tales of espionage and intrigue, with the magnetic Sean Dillon, former gun-for-hire IRA assassin, now gone good and an agent for the government... 

Probably why I've always been the woman who enjoys action movies more than rom-coms.

Especially action tales of guys being all macho and protecting those they love... 

I don't condone violence at all... but when a guy crushes another guy's hand because that guy hurt the woman he loves... Is it wrong if I find that sexy? 

What can I say.... I like protective men.... who look after you... And make you feel safe...  

I like men who look after women... Especially those in abusive relationships.... Making sure they're safe from being harmed by those who are supposed to love and protect them....

 

Ok maybe we shouldn't hurt people... but still... And I shouldn't enjoy this but that guy is just getting back what he did to that poor woman... 

But then again... I don't support guys who make a habit of punching out guys for no reason... 

Like it must be a really strong reason... 

Like a peaceful, smiling, waving Superman who growls when in protective mode...  

I am a very weird person, aren't I?

  

Like how can you not find this scene hot... 

Superman came so quick to save his wife...
I want Superman...

Sorry.... Went out of topic... 

Anyway while my friends were reading Sweet Valley High, I was reading Jack Higgins and Georgette Heyer... 

If there is a sure way how not to relate with your peers at school... is to be into stuff that none of them have heard of...    

That being said, I'm still grateful to my mom not only for everything in my life... but also for introducing me to books... and the music and films of her era... things she watched and listened to as a kid. 

Grateful for all the song and dance from the musicals she introduced me too... 

For Scarlet Pimpernel and his outward vapid, airy ways, but hiding such courage and intelligence within... The those days version of Clark Kent/Superman... 

For the haunting cries of “Champ... Champ” that traumatized me, leaving me a sobbing mess at the end of the movie... And watching it now years later, I realize I can still get all choked up...  

Trying not to judge but I don't get moms who abandon their kids... I wonder if the mother would have wanted the kid back if he was annoying and not cute...

Feeling like an outsider or that I did not belong, was already bad enough... but being overweight made it worst... with the constant mean things people have and still say to me... 

Making me feel worse than I already felt about myself... The taunts that people toss at me nonchalantly... The worry of receiving a cutting remark every time I eat in front of others... The casual fat jokes... 

The hardest thing in life is growing up as a fat kid... Even harder to be a fat adult. 

It got to the point, that I sometimes didn't want to leave the house and go anywhere... worried about what people were going to say to me... 

  

 

That being said, I realize I should be grateful... that even if things people said hurt... I do have a supportive family and a happy life... even a happy childhood... 

And thankful that I didn't need friends to play with growing up... That I had my books to keep me company... 

Books that still keep me company now as an adult...  

My colleagues excitedly wait for make-up and glamour tools to arrive in their mail... I wait for books... No better scent than the fresh pages of a new book... 

So I'm grateful for my love of books... because I know a happy childhood isn't always a given when you grow up different from the norm... 

Recently while coming home from work, I saw a kid... slightly overweight... standing at his bicycle... gazing sadly at a bunch of kids playing soccer or football as it's called here in Malaysia... 

The kids were happy and having fun... while this overweight kid watched them sadly from a distance away... I continued to watch him... getting all emotional... watching him leave after a while with his bicycle...

I thought of the kid the whole night... getting emotional a little as I told the story to my colleagues the next day.. I couldn't stop thinking about the kid... I felt his longing... The need to belong... or to be accepted... The pain of rejection...

Feelings I still get now as an adult... But as a kid, the feelings are just more intense... 

I'm not saying those kids rejected him... Maybe he was too shy to approach them as I would have at that age... The fear of rejection or being made fun of... Or maybe he has tried to play with them before and they didn't let him... excluded because of his weight... 

I don't know the reasons... All I know is I felt for the boy... Felt his loneliness... Wished I could have given him a hug... Or that I had a kid of my own, that I could encourage to go befriend this kid... All I could do was pray that he finds a friend soon to keep him company... or gets accepted into that group of kids...

Sometimes I wonder why is it so hard to be accepted when you just don't conform to the norm... Why can't people accept everyone no matter how they look... or how much they weigh...

 "Be Happy with the Way You Are".... "Love Yourself".... "Beauty is Skin Deep"...

Words meant to motivate and inspire... and make you feel good about yourself... I too say them to people all the time and mean it... 

But on the days when I'm feeling really down... I wonder if these words were written by beautiful people... because who else would say be happy with your looks but someone who does have good looks...

Especially on the days I think I look like a Sasquatch... Or made to feel I look like one... when you feel like you're not worth anything... I wish I could have someone say to me, "You're perfect in your imperfections... To me, you're perfectly imperfect"...

Then I realize it's stupid... So I wake myself up...

 

Yes Sasquatch... You're perfect... Don't ever let people tell you different...

 

 

Sometimes I wish I was one of those people, who turn heads because they're beautiful. 

I turn heads too when I walk by people... Not turn the head round like you see in the movie Exorcist, which I watched as a kid... that may or may not have scarred me for life... 

But when I walk past people... they do give me the same look of fear I had watching the Exorcist...

Cause people think of my butt as a weapon that can send people flying... Weapon of Mass Propulsion... 

So they make room for me to pass... to prevent me knocking them out cold if I were to accidentally bump into them...

Look... Oh ye of so much fear... My butt isn't that strong... This isn't going to happen to you... I'm not going to knock you out... or propel you across the room... 

So walk by me, with no fear, my hearties... 

Although... There was this one time... I was bending down to take food from the fridge (which is where my head could be found, on most days), and my butt accidentally knocked into my little cousin, and he went flying across the room... 

 

Nothing happened to him... He was ok... It's me who's not ok with the constant re-telling of this tale... by my very helpful, life-of-the-party, mom...

Probably where the legend of my butt and its people propelling powers came about.... 

So anyway... Butt attacks aside... 

Sometimes at moments when my life is a little more dreary than usual... When it's not a Michael Learns to Rock song... that is pleasant and heartwarming... but on the days that it's a heavy metal song that makes you want to scream... 

When people call you names... and casually insult you... wondering why you're not laughing at their jokes, which they think is brilliant...

It's on those days, that I wish I was born beautiful...  

The kind of beautiful where the air sizzles around you... Flowers bloom when you walk... Birds sing and fly around you, while they fetch you things.... 

When a Prince Superman falls in love with you... 

Awwww... Tyler Hoechlin... My favorite Superman... In my mind... when you fly... even birds come to watch... 

Who needs princes... when there's Tyler Hoechlin... or so it is to me... 

Sorry Tyler, who has the misfortune of being my first and only celebrity crush.... actually my first crush ever... 

I was fine not having a crush on anyone... Happy with my life, books, movies and songs... but then one day.... Tyler Hoechlin moved into my mind... just like that... and he hasn't moved out since... Now I'm stuck with him in my head...

So anyway... I'm pretty sure things are going to get worse for you, Tyler... so I apologize to you in advance... for all the embarrassing things I may write about you in this post and future posts... 

No No... My apology is sincere, Tyler... I'm always sincere in my apologies... 

Although I do have a problem saying a proper apology in person, face-to-face...  I mean I feel sorry but can't say the words... 

Maybe cause I'm like an awkward person... I feel more comfortable with text... Putting words down works for me... So I sometimes write my apologies... 

That makes me a horrible person, doesn't it? 

 

That isn't a look of encouragement or even acceptance of my crush on you, is it?

 

So anyway Tyler... I'm sorry for the misfortune of being my crush...  

Actually looking at the things that go on in my head sometimes... that I may or may not write about here on this blog of mine... perhaps I should also apologize to your parents... and your future spouse... 

My future spouse too, I guess... if I ever do fall in love which is probably never happening in the near future cause I'm still stuck at the “boys are made of frogs and snails, and puppy-dogs' tails” stage...  

Although to be honest, growing up, I did love to EAT everything made with “sugar and spice and everything nice”...