15) The Tale of My Babysitting Adventures

This is the tale of my babysitting adventures... Which was like a horror movie but without the spooky calls from inside the house, creepy-looking kids, or toys trying to kill us... The horror part of it comes from my little pony lectures, my can-drive-people-crazy ramblings on Tyler Hoechlin, and me being a dreadful babysitter... I'm actually a horrible person in general; I don't know why people keep trusting me with their kid...

You would think with Tyler Hoechlin being my celebrity crush and current obsession, that my YouTube history will be filled with Tyler stuff; interviews, clips from his movies, random "Tyler is hot" videos from his fans, etc...

It isn't... Yeah... I'm a weird obsessive fan... 

The kind who says she's crazy about her celebrity crush... and can't stop thinking about him... but spends her time reading a book instead... I do love to read; it was what got me through my childhood... 

I don't even have his face as my phone or computer wallpaper...

Yes Tyler... I'm shocked too... 

I'm so proud of my restraint...

I should hug my willpower for its fortitude.

 

You believe me, don't you, Tyler?

 

Smart guy...

 

  

So maybe I use the private mode to Google him...

Hey... I don't want Google to know about my obsession with him... 

Some things I prefer to keep private... from Google... 

like my stash of chocolate truffles and candy bars, and its secret hiding place... 

my inability to say no to dessert... 

and my crazy, unexplained, I-wish-it-could-go-away crush on Tyler Hoechlin...

Also his face as my laptop wallpaper would mean I won't get any work done... 

I stared at the above Tyler gif for like close to 10 minutes... just watching him say "whatttt...." (yes... what is wrong with me indeed)

So yeah... My wallpaper is just random scenery stuff... Cause I could seriously spend my entire day staring at his face... 

Anyway, it's not like I haven't memorized his face... so I don't really need to stare at him every day... 

And yes I admit this freely without an ounce of shame... hey I listen to all the motivational stuff that says like who you like, don't care what others say, be yourself... so if the "myself" is a little bit loopy, that's what I'm going to continue to be...    

 

Tyler Hoechlin's gif seems to be resigned to my loopy obsession of him... maybe even supportive... a girl can hope... 

 

Anyway got my customary giddy raving about Tyler Hoechlin every time I write a blog post out of the way... 

Now I can go back to my babysitting tale.

So I opened my YouTube account the other day, in front of my colleagues, and there in all its glory was my watch history... 

 

Hey! Excuse me! 

Not this kind of watch history!

I'm no Castiel. The clueless, "I-don't-get-the-reference" angel, who watches totally inappropriate stuff occasionally... without realizing he's watching inappropriate stuff... but then continues to watch it...

Just to clarify... I don't watch stuff like that... Everything I watch has people with clothes on...  

Say what you want, but clothes were invented for a reason so I prefer to see people with clothes ON not off...  

I don't even want to see myself without clothes... If I could I would bathe with clothes on...   

 

Too much information, Oliver Queen? Ok sorry... Moving on... 

 

14) The tale of irritating the IT guy in my office

When the IT guy in my office starts his "explanation" on what's wrong with my PC using words I don't understand, when all I want him to do is tell me my baby is gonna be ok... I also prattle on a little about MacGyver, the 80s series I used to enjoy as a kid... Not really sure why my computer problem made me suddenly reminisce about the 80s and think of MacGyver... I realize I'm a very strange woman. 

A Note to the IT guy in my Office

Look, I don't mean to be the type of person you wish you could erase with a click of your mouse... but could you please tell me what's wrong with my PC and what I need to do... in a language I can understand... 

and not all that ancient alien stuff you're spewing... Cause I'm listening to you talk and all I hear is "Ancient Astronaut Theorists suggest..." 

Think of me as a 4-year-old learning my ABCs... Cause I didn't get a word you were saying just now... or what I'm supposed to do to solve my PC problem.

Are you speaking Kryptonese? Cause it certainly sounded like that to me. 

I know these are just common, everyday words to you. 

They're NOT for me.

Yes. This is exactly what you look like to me right now with that fast way you were saying your words, using a jargon, only you can understand. 

Hey, you can minion talk me all you want, with your "po-ka" and "la-boda" but the only thing going through my mind is... I want a banana... which would be lovely in some milk shake... that has a dash of rum... Cause that oatmeal I had for lunch didn't really satisfy my gastronomic urges.   

You can stare at me, all you want, Michael Scott, but I'm willing to bet a lot of IT people in your "office" have also filled you with the urgent need for a spiked milkshake.

Yes, Mr. IT Guy? No... my mind isn't wandering... Still paying attention... but still not getting what you're saying...

Whoaaa... So that's how the insides of a computer looks like... And that's why you brought all your gadgets... I was wondering why you needed all those mechanic tools... 

Was kinda worried you were going to use them on me... to you know... tighten those bolts in my head...  

No... I'm not giggling at you... Just randomly giggling at my own stupid joke... I do that all the time... laugh at my own jokes... They are not funny... but they seem to amuse me...

What's that you said? No!!! I don't really have bolts in my head... It was a joke...

I know... I know... The joke wasn't very good... I didn't say I was Wanda Sykes... 

What, Mr. IT Guy? Wanda Sykes??? Oh... She??? She's a comedian... 

I was trying to be a comedian too... 

Why do you have the confused look on your face, Mr. IT Guy? 

The look that says, “Please don't quit your day job”.... which, to be honest, is a look I get often at my every attempt to be funny... 

So you don't watch comedies? You probably watch IT movies, eh?

Like what??? Maybe Swordfish??? I watched it during my university days... 

Haven't seen it? It's an IT film... It was about hacking and stuff... Hugh Jackman was in it... Yeahhh the Wolverine guy...    

He can do such diverse roles, don't you agree? Comedy... Drama... brooding... Did you know he once played a Duke... I love the Victorian era... Especially the big hoop skirts.... One of my favorite authors is Georgette Heyer and her Regency books... 

Man. Hugh Jackman is such a cool actor, isn't he? 

Wait... Hang on... I didn't catch what you were saying, Mr. IT Guy? 

No... Nothing is wrong with me... Why do you keep asking me that...

No... I'm not talking about Victoria's Secret... Why do all men only think of models? Like couldn't men just stick to thinking of sports...

Yeah I do like to talk a lot... 

You don't really consider hacking as IT? 

Well... Ok... I hear you...

What did you say, Mr. IT Guy? 

That you were probably not even born yet when I was doing my degree? 

Wait... How old do you think I am...  

No... I'm not showing you the finger... 

That's my Wolverine impersonation...

12) Benefits of Not Having Anyone to Celebrate Valentine's Day With

#BetterThingsToDoThanFallingInLove  

When it's Valentine's Day and everyone is talking about love and romance... but you're like the Valentine Scrooge... so the only thing on your mind is the box of chocolates in the fridge... that you bought for yourself, although they were expensive, cause you're romantic like that... but you're trying to lose weight, so you can't eat them but you can't stop thinking about them either... so to take your mind of those dang chocolate truffles... and also so you won't be considered a loser, which is easier said than done... you write a tale of how much you dig being single.

 

So Valentine's Day has always been the busiest day for me, because of the endless string of dead dates.

(actually "dead" is more suitable... cause it'll be the night of the living dead if I were to date... mostly cause I would rather look at dead flies than date... and also my date would probably wish he was dead after one date with me)

Then, there are all the bouquet of flowers from guys asking me to be their Valentine. 

 

Yes, Derek Hale, I'm kidding!

Gee... When even a gif doesn't believe you.

So maybe the only flowers I've received are from people I share almost similar DNA with and could maybe receive a kidney from; my family, the people who are forced genetically inclined to like me.

But hey, flowers are still flowers, no matter who sends them. 

And the only males visiting me on Valentine's day are the stray cats in my neighborhood. And even then, they're not looking for me; their thoughts and eyes, are on the sexy female cat living next-door. #WhenYouCantEvenWinAgainstAcat.

And no... "cat" is not a euphemism for something else. When I say cat, I really mean cat. Of the genus Felis. The Felis Catus... Nope... Not a bad word.... It's the scientific name for cat.

Wait... Are you making fun of me, Damon Salvatore? 

 

Hey, I know stuff... Smart people stuff... I watch documentaries... and the History channel... Do their explanations take a moment to process... and sometimes believe? Perhaps... 

Like I'm smart.

But I could be smarter. 

The kind of smart, where I need to use Google to excitedly and correctly answer all the riddles shared in my family and extended family's group chat... 

Hey... It's not cheating... It's called being innovative...

Wait... Is that a skeptical look, Tyler???  

The “I don't think so but if you say so” look...  

Hey... Sure... I can take that look... 

Better than the “I wish you would stop talking” look...

 

And perhaps watching Columbo* makes me a little miserable... cause as much as I try, I'm never able to guess how Columbo is going to prove the crime and nail the killer.

*It's a 60s series that my mom made me watch because she said it's really good... and I grumbled and complained but gave in to watching it... because saying "no" to my mom is something I can never do... Then much to my chagrin, found the show to be really good... I even cheer when he gives his “Just One More Thing” as he delivers the final parting shot to the killer... Man... I guess there's some truth in the saying, “Your mom is always right.”

Also some of the jokes on Young Sheldon may need repeated listening for me to fully understand them...    

Then there are all the x-rated jokes on series like How I Met Your Mother, where I don't get the jokes at all. Like I have to Google it and still don't get the joke.... 

So maybe I'm a bit of a prude... and sometimes my brain falls asleep... It has low stamina. 

 

Why Hermione? I'm not being a bore, am I?

 

Et tu, Tyler Hoechlin?

Not the reaction you would hope for, as you begin your blog post... but anyway... back to the strays... 

The strays going for the cat that lives next door. Doesn't that always happen. The hot guy falling for the girl who lives next-door to you, or your room-mate, because she's way hotter than you. 

Wait... When I say “hot guy”, I meant men. Homo sapiens. Not cats. I don't think cats are hot... Look... I'm weird but not that weird... 

A random thought : If Tyler Hoechlin met me, he would probably think there's something wrong with me, wouldn't he? Gawd... I must stop this thing I do of thinking of him and mentioning his name each time I write a blog post. 

So anyway, the hot guy you like, falling for your next-door neighbor or your room-mate. That happens, doesn't it?  

Hey... I heard it from Ted when he told us how he met our mother... 

Yeahhh That came out wrong...  I meant, when he told his kids, how he met their mother... A series that would have been more aptly titled, "How I dated a bunch of women"...

Imagine how horrible it must be listening to your dad's crazy dating shenanigans...

Which to me , would probably be like eating bean sprouts, which I hate. They look like worms. Taste like one too?

Am I weird that I don't want to hear courtship tales of my parents...  My mom talks a little about her and my dad, and their “courtship”, and I'm like, "Somebody. PLEASE. COME AND TAKE ME AWAYYYY from here... right now... PLEASE!!"

Or I run to my room the moment she starts. 

Yes. Yes. I know. I'm like a 5-year-old. Sorry.

But I don't want to hear intimate romance stuff from my family members or friends. I still can't bring myself to watch the uncensored version of Game of Thrones... I watch the censored version of the show, where there are dragons, icy creatures, wolves and Jon Snow but no scenes that involves people doing stuff without their clothes on that makes me hug my pillow in terror.     

Haven't really experienced the guy falling for my room-mate thing though. Mostly cause I don't date... or have crushes on guys... 

Also, I live with my mom. And not in that, I-can't-afford-my-own-place, kind of way, but more of a, I-Love-My-Mom-And-She-Doesn't-Like-Living-Alone, kind of way. 

But then again, the hot guy falling for my mom could actually happen, mostly cause people generally assume she's my sister... And she's also way more popular than me... 

Pretty sure my friends and colleagues like my mom more than they like me... 

One colleague even calls my mom her best friend... My mom... Not me... My mom... And we've worked together for more than 10 years...  

And do I mind??? Not at all... I like my mom too...

Yeahhhh... I'm like the mold on a stale bread when compared to any member of my family... 

 

When even your celebrity crush agrees...

 

My parents are loved by many... So are my siblings... They're like the “Raymond”.... My brother and sister.... Everybody likes them... Smart, funny, the life of the party... 

I'm like the older brother in Everybody Likes Raymond... who tries his best... but it doesn't seem to be enough...  

With my siblings is full-on laughter... But with me is just awkward, polite giggles... It's like they laugh cause they feel sorry for me...

 

My thoughts exactly, Robert... My thoughts exactly...

 

Oh well... I'm not jealous though... I'm proud to be related to them... and excitedly share all their achievements with my friends and colleagues... 

I told my young cousin that I would never introduce her to Tyler Hoechlin because my cousin's so pretty, sweet and kind... What if he ends up liking her... 

It would kill me each time I see them together, and I can't even wish bad things on them cause I love my cousin... 

But it will hurt... Like I would cry myself to sleep every night... I'm actually already depressed just writing about it.

 

Sorry, Joey Lawrence. Got a little lost in this imaginary nightmare of mine...  

The nightmare of seeing Tyler Hoechlin with another woman, cause the cells in my heart dies a little each time that happens...

Better to stop thinking of that and think of the chocolate truffles, waiting for me in the fridge... 

That I bought for myself... for Valentine's Day... 

It was expensive... 

I'm romantic like that... 

9) The Tale of Having a Meltdown over Tyler Hoechlin's Birthday Gift to his TV Wife

So it was Tyler Hoechlin's Superman & Lois co-star, Bitsie Tulloch's Birthday... He gave her a gift... I had a jealous meltdown...  

Beginning to realize, there's something wrong with me... Oh well... I've always been a little... unique? Is that the word? Or is it loony?

I am fully aware that this may be the most embarrassing post I've ever written.... The hope my family doesn't discover this blog kind of embarrassing... where I go on and on about my crush, Tyler Hoechlin...

I may have started small... like a trickle of words... then bricks got added... and now we may have The Wall... that only a White Walker dragon could bring down..

I do know that ramblings like these are embarrassing... because normal people don't just go around spewing love proclamations for a man and cheese all in the same blog post; it's tacky...

But that being said, am I going to make any changes to the blog and remove the embarrassing, cheesy prose?

Probably not... 

I like living life dangerously (or so I say... then I remember I'm the woman who runs screaming to her mom when she sees a bug... and no... not when I was a kid... this happened last week)...

 

So the man gives his brooding stare... and I stare it... engrossed...

What is it about Tyler Hoechlin's brooding look that leaves me in a puddle of melting ice-cream...   

For reasons I can't explain... this guy has been making me do things I don't normally do... 

Crazy things... Things like think of a man...

When food used to be the only thing on my mind... I would go to sleep dreaming of food...  

No creamy green eyes.... or sweet words... seduced me... 

No pickled pecs... salty abs... Or juicy smile kept me up all night, dreaming...

 

No man filled my thoughts... or made me sigh with longing...  

It was pizza that kept me up all night, filled with yearning...

P.S. Wow.. Almost a rhyme... My mom would have been proud... Nope.. I take that back.. Looking back at this post... Proud isn't exactly the adjective I would use to describe my mom's feelings if she ever read this blog...

Even if you're just a gif, I wished you didn't agree so happily with my mom's utter lack of pride in me, Tyler...

 

The only thing I used to want was food... never men...

Cakes... Pizza... Pies... Tacos.... 

Fun Fact : Just like a taco, I have fillings too.... of the fatty kind...

Wasn't that fact fun? You're welcome... 

I guess it wasn't a fun fact... 

I kinda feel the glaring look... perfected by Tyler Hoechlin is just right for when I go into my rambling...  can make people want to go into hibernation... prose...

I may need more of it as I continue to write this blog post.. 

Thanks, Tyler... 

And here I was, the type of person, who never liked any form of facial hair on men...

A clean-shaven guy is what I like to see...

I don't even like anything furry... I can't hold hamsters...  

A cat or dog brushes against me... and I need to bathe for seven years...

Till this fully bearded guy happened... 

And in other instances, I would be like "HAIR NO!" but for some crazy reason... I find all that beardyness sexy... 

He earns the distinction of being the only hairy guy I've ever liked...

Actually weirdest of all is me actually loving all that hair... the beard... the scruff... all that hair on his arm... even his hairy knuckles...

I hope to someday have an explanation for my fascination of all things Hoechlin... which hopefully leads to a cessation of the said fascination... 

The guy with the 'so-born-to-play-a-werewolf hairy, even his fingers are hairy', hands... 

I mean I assume that's how a werewolf's hand would be... long and hairy.... and so lovely... 

And yes I realize, attempting to make it rhyme does not make the above sentence less nauseating... 

Tyler agrees... Hence, let us shift our focus away from those hairy hands... and direct our attention to his chest, biceps and slender waist... 

That culminates in envy towards those lucky... 

say it with me... LUCKY  women of his, who have had the chance to fall into those arms... rest their heads on his chest... and hold onto his biceps...

A cuddle made in dreams.... 

I reiterate... and in caps... LUCKY...

Editor: Just a reminder that you are not a teenage novelist writing a teen novel… please act your age!

Me: I guess Sweet Valley High will be proud.

Editor: Nope…

 

Ughhh! I hate this! You’re so annoying, Editor!

 

I remember once, one of the Superman and Lois cast member shared a photo and only his arm was visible... but most of the fandom could recognize that it was him with just that arm... 

Nobody had to tag him in that photo... We just knew... Just like that... That arm belongs to Tyler Hoechlin.... 

The cap probably helped too... 

Poor guy uses the cap to hide his face when he wants to have a good time without fans finding out he's in a particular place... but not realizing that the cap is a dead giveaway... 

 

We know, Tyler! We know...

It's also how we figure out it's you... 

 

What I admire about Tyler Hoechlin's fans is that they can find him in the background of random videos posted by others even when he's not tagged... 

They can recognize him when he's at a distance or partially seen...

While I can't even find myself in my old school group photos... I see a sea of faces in the same blue uniform... that all Malaysian students wear... and can't recognize my own face...

Actually it's not only Tyler's arm that we recognize... 

It's also his voice... his laughter... his peace sign... 

No matter how much he tries to hide in the background of the video... out of the frame of the camera... we hear the sultry sound of his voice... yes sultry is the word I'm going with... and we immediately know it's him... 

The power of the "Hoech" effect... 

Yeah I don't know what this means, but I have seen it used a lot by his fans...  

So I've decided to hop on the "Hoech" bandwagon and use the word too... 

Hopefully this will finally make me a full-fledged member of his Phi Beta Gamma Cuppa Mai Tai Club...

Cause seriously... who doesn't like a cocktail now and then...

 

If you're wondering why I sound like a whining mess... trust me, it's only gonna get worse... 

Which isn't exactly what one is supposed to write when starting a blog post... like not a good recommendation to get people to continue reading the said blog post... 

But I'm all about honesty and transparency... 

Also I gave up on shame a long time ago... Cause C'est la vie... That's life... 

Brilliant I am, I know! Merci beaucoup...

And yes... I'm just trying to show off with a little French parlé... because the man pictured above loves all things French... 

But then maybe my smart gene was on sick leave because I thought it was spelt ses la vie.. or say la v... seras vie... and had to Google the correct spelling... 

But hey at least I got the pronunciation correct... 

Oh wait... 

Ok I checked... Google said pronunciation correct... Thank you Google... 

So anyway the photo shared by the cast... (as seen above)

When it hit me that I was staring at that arm... utterly captivated... was when I realized I probably need help at this point... 

Like I could write sonnets to those arms... especially when it comes with those things called the biceps... I seriously could...

I mean... IF I could... I can't... 

But IF I could... I would... I would if I could...  

Yes, I would... I surely would..

Don't be embarrassed, Tyler...

Also I realize it would probably be embarrassing... if I find out that his fans were wrong... and that isn’t actually him in that photo...

Anyway, for the sake of argument... let’s just assume those are his arms... because I could definitely "shake" the "peare" out of those arms....  

Thou thinkest only thou canst write sonnets, O' Shakespeare, peer of the sonnet realm... I canst too... 

See yonder my prose... Lackluster, they are not....  

Man this is exhausting...

Fun Fact : Did you know the word, lackluster was invented by Shakespeare... He used it in one of his plays... He also invented words like bandit, critic, dauntless, dwindle and many others... 

Man who knew... The things you learn reading my blog...

Sorry... I was trying to get my Tennyson on, Tyler.... Or I should say my Tylerson on... 

But since my poetry skills (unlike my mother's, who's a wonderful poet), remain at pens, “I got a pen. My pen is blue. I'm crushing on you. Wanna be my boo?”.... 

I think I'll refrain.... 

Wouldn't want Emily Dickinson paying me a visit tonight... to admonish me for my lackluster... normal people would say horrible... poetry attempts.... and becoming the "thing" that perches on my bed's headboard.... 

I'd much rather have hope perching in my soul.

Sorry, Bitsie... Just trying to sound smart... and be smart... like you...

Apparently not working... Moving on... 

Man, when you write a post like a teenager hankering after the star quarterback.... 

Which comes from all the teen shows Netflix keeps suggesting to me... 

Look, my teenage cousin stayed over and maybe we did watch a lot of teen shows during her stay... But it was only that one time... Only when she was around... 

Stop judging me, Netflix!

Although maturity wise, I'm probably at “teen” level... No offense, teens... So maybe Neflix may have valid justifications for their reasoning... 

Also... Maybe I do enjoy watching these shows... They are so interesting... 

Your only worry is whether the hot guy in school likes you... There are no bosses... bills... or car servicing and how much it's gonna cost this time... to worry you... Life is also way more fun as a teen... 

Anyway... Back to Tyler Hoechlin...  

And his fans... Whom I'm indebted to... for the gifs and photos of him that they share so generously... 

His laugh does wonders for my soul.... and when I'm having a bad day, I can safely say, “I was blessed with cuteness this morning”...

Ok actually mostly I say this when my colleagues and friends send cute photos of their kids.... but it can also be used for Tyler...

 

Yeah... you...

 

So Tyler Hoechlin and his magnificent appendage... His arm... in that photo shared by the cast member, above...

Just to be clear... It's not that I wanted to stare at his arm... 

I did it mostly for research purposes... Like what kind of workout does it take to get those arms... how many reps... how heavy his weights... 

See research... Purely academic purposes... 

Very Professor McGonagall… Prim and proper.... No sleaziness at all... 

I'm like a nun, yo, very respectable.... even if I think Tyler is da bomb! (this is how they talk on those teen shows)...

Wait, Tyler... Don't go... I'm just getting started... 

Trust me, it's going to get even more embarrassing from here on out... 

And I say this with no shame whatsoever... 

I'm like, why feel shame.... be proud of being an embarrassing mess...

 

I guess Tyler accepts his fate and my shameless ways... 

Or I should say, his gif is...

  

Let me begin my sordid tale...  

P.S. I just realized I wrote a bunch of annoying, rambling, vomit-inducing drivel about Tyler and his limbs before getting to my actual post... I may need professional help... Sorry, Tyler...

 

It looks like Tyler is bracing for the worst, doesn't it?

So recently, Bitsie Tulloch, Tyler Hoechlin's co-star in the Superman & Lois series, shared in her IG story that Tyler got her a gift for her Birthday...

 

He baked her a bread! 

How sexy is that... 

Nothing says "sexy" than a man who cooks and bakes... 

And when I say sexy, I'm usually referring to the food..

 

     

 

 

 

 

Most fans : 

awwwwww 

Tyler Hoechlin baked @BitsieTulloch a bread for her Birthday. 

He's so sweet!

He's gorgeous and he bakes too...  

He's so perfect... Sighhhhh... 

 

 

My reaction :

Whattttt????

I'm honest.

And also a jealous 5-year-old. 

Ok Ok... Just kidding.... You don't have to glare at me, Tyler... 

I already feel like a naughty little girl... 

Should I go stand in the corner?

 

Editor: Sorry for the irritating babble of this blogger... She has sleep deprivation syndrome.

Yes... An illness I totally made up... I also made up the editor... I'm cool like that...

 

Thank you Tyler... I mean I hope those were words of sympathy from you...

and not words asking me to go find a rock, crawl under it and never come out...  

 

Making things worse is the fact that he got her a board game, which to me is like the perfect gift... as I'm a board game nut... 

Although most people would say I'm a bit of a nut in most aspects of my life... so nutty... I should be named Hazelnut...

I usually just ignore them...