This is the tale of my weight issues and my sudden realization that I need to do something about it.
So like a member of the Night's Watch, I
pledge my life and honor to my weight loss goals... for this day and
all the days to come because "fat
night gathers"... and now my weight loss journey begins and it
"shall not end until my death".... because writing cheesy
blog posts is apparently becoming my thing... Also I really hope I
don't die now... 'cause there are so many people out there I haven't
annoyed yet...
I share my workout struggles... getting injured while working out... the torture of resisting the temptation of my guilty pleasures; sexy, sinful food, and Tyler Hoechlin... but mostly it's just food, especially those with cheese... I'm like Bruce Wayne about to begin his journey to becoming Batman... or so I would like to imagine.... I really enjoyed Batman Begins...
So if I'm like Batman now.... am I also rich like Bruce Wayne?
Bummer!
or I should say - Bale-er....
Get it? 😀
Editor : If this cheesy start to the blog post is any indication, it's not going to get any better, is it?...
Me : Gee thanks, Editor... Why do you like to pick on me?
Or just plain weird... The crazy girl who lets the theme song to The Office play instead of clicking the "Skip intro" button that has been generously provided for you...
Like I can just imagine my neighbours going, "what the Dunder" hearing that same music every 30 minutes... for like a few hours (especially if it's a Friday night and I'm back home from work... and ready to relax into the weekend by binge-watching shows)...
Editor : Loser category - Social Life: Zero, Nobody’s Hero, Netflix and Chips, Solo Weirdo.
Hey... At least I'm not weird... let's just say special... like Zoey, where I can hear people's innermost thoughts through song like in the Zoey's Extraordinary Playlist series...
Like I would love to have her mutant powers... Not because I want to hear people's thoughts...
Because it's me... Nobody is going to be singing about how they are a sucker for me... or would walk 500 miles for me...
No sexy songs... or happy songs... or I love you songs...
For me, it would be dreary songs about how much they hate me... Like the "wish she would go back to her planet... She's so weird... The "You are so vain, you probably think this song is abou you" kind of songs...
So thank you very much... I don't want to hear your thoughts about me...
What I would have liked though... if I did inherit Zoey's X-Chord mutant powers... is to watch all those people randomly breaking out in song and dance...
And yes, this is my "I maybe am not totally averse to musicals" confession...
See... so much fun...
Anyway.... Back to my rambling tale of my weight loss exploits.
So the other day, I read about my current guilty pleasure's adventurous life...
Like going hiking, surfing, JetSurfing, dirt-bike riding, and doing all these badass stuff.
Man.. How can he look so sexy doing everyday stuff, without make-up, tv lighting and effects.
Wait... Is JetSurfing a word???? I know Jetsurf is like a noun or something... But not really sure if I can add the gerund (-ing) to it...
Who knows... Grammar isn't really my thing... Come to think of it.. Talking isn't either.. or writing.. or anything..
Nothing is my thing.. unless you count eating.. now that I can do... If there was a test in eating.. I would probably ace it!
But.. hey... words get added into the Lexicon everyday.. so it could become a word, one day... I went jetsurfing.. Doesn't that sound so impressive?
Like I'm James Bond.... I went James Bonding....
Also... I feel really cool using the word Lexicon.
And yes. I Googled Lexicon... and gerund.... and pretty sure James Bonding will mean doing something salacious and improper...
So anyway... With my guilty pleasure, Tyler Hoechlin, as my inspiration, I thought to myself, gee, I want to be adventurous too. To be all Batman and stuff.
To be the type of person who is constantly living on the edge....
Who can throw people across the room while whispering, in a tone meant to be menacing but was sexy instead, "So am I"... and telling kids to go back to school...
Nope... Not Batman... Like Derek Hale.
Isn't Tyler Hoechlin so cool and sexy... Sigh...
So yes... Me too want to Hale...
So I set out to do something I'm not comfortable with and makes me quake with fear.
Literally shivers down my spine. And not the good kind of shivers, which are the naughty kind. Like the ones you get from licking chocolate off your fingers.
Nope. This is the bad kind of shivers. The scary kind.
I decided to calculate my BMI.
Cause nothing says terror than calculating your BMI.
Whaaattt!!! Why the disgusted sigh, Tyler?
Hey.... It's scary for me... Me weighing myself... usually when I'm forced to, during medical tests... worst when it's in public... surrounded by people I know... is as scary as whitewalkers...
Because I'm quite sure I would pass out even if I see them from afar... They in all their pale-ness...
Me... Bam!
I mean scary as before Season 8.... Cause from Season 8 onwards, their “scary” attributes somewhat diminished... Like when that wall came down at the end of season 7 of Game of Thrones, I feared for my life...
I mean the life of those on Middle Earth... Wait... What earth was theirs? Westeros! Sorry forgot.. Had to Google..
So anyway... that was scary.. I was like, "oh no... oh no... what are we going to do"...
My mom did watch my reaction... nonchalantly... but hey, a girl's got to react... what a girl's got to react... Yeah, I don't know what this means... I love to come up with weird wordplay...
So anyway... that was scary... I watched in horror... but at the end, it turned out to be not so scary...
They came in all their whitewalker-ness... Growled...
Ok maybe they didn't growl... I was thinking of Derek Hale again...
Anyway... The whitewalkers came...
They watched... They stared...
Then they got stabbed... End of story...
That was fun, noh?
Anyway... Tyler probably gets excited to weigh himself everyday...
His BMI probably sends him love letters... makes googly-eyes at him... and says it wants to make babies with him...
That seems to be kinda Tyler's thing... Getting women pregnant without doing anything himself... Without even meeting them...
Can't begin to tell you the many comments on his fan accounts I have read about fans getting pregnant from looking at him.
Seriously! I see so many comments of “Boom! I'm pregnant!” on anything they post on him, whether it's his photos or his videos.
While I'm at a loss to understand how that's even possible?
I know he's shirtless and all... but how can it be possible... from just a photo or a gif...
I know I'm not smart or anything... But I studied Biology in school... and I remember that's not how it works...
Like I know I'm no expert in this, seriously zero knowledge in this whole baby-making thing people do... but have things really changed in the past 20 years from when I first studied Biology?
Or did I get my Biology lesson wrong?
Ok sorry, Mam... Too much information...
Anyway, who knows how it works... I can't remember much of what I studied in school anyway cause it was like so long ago...
Pretty sure I spent most of my time in school, in a daze... A haze of perpetual boredom.. Waiting to go back home after school so I could get back to my story books...
Actually I'm surprised I got out of school with my life intact... without my parents killing me.... for failing.
But for me. The person who has a fear of parties, and approach any social gatherings, like I'm about to be operated on.. while fully conscious...
Which, trust me, going through surgery with local anesthesia (which means you'll be fully conscious but unable to feel pain.. or actually any sensation), is the definition of scary...
For me. It has to be General Anesthesia. Always.
I don't care if it's dangerous and I could die, if you're going to cut me open and stick things into me, I don't want to be awake. I want to be unconscious.
Probably the reason why I've never wanted a boyfriend. Rule of thumb for me. Sticking things into me. Unconscious.
Sorry, Barney Stinson? TMI is my middle name.
So yes. Checking my BMI is the scariest and most thrilling thing I've done.
If you're categorized under the "normal weight" category, then it's all "I'm walking on sunshine" and you feel like skipping around the house, jumping on your bed, and screaming with joy.
I guess it would be like that. I wouldn't know.
Cause mine didn't say "normal weight". It didn't even say "overweight", which I would have been ok with.
Mine was like a slap me in the face and "you better do something about your weight, b**ch!" kind of diagnosis.
