So Valentine's Day has always been the busiest day for me, because of the endless string of dead dates.
(actually "dead" is more suitable... cause it'll be the night of the living dead if I were to date... mostly cause I would rather look at dead flies than date... and also my date would probably wish he was dead after one date with me)
Then, there are all the bouquet of flowers from guys asking me to be their Valentine.
So maybe the only flowers I've received are from people I share almost similar DNA with and could maybe receive a kidney from; my family, the people who are forced genetically inclined to like me.
But hey, flowers are still flowers, no matter who sends them.
And the only males visiting me on Valentine's day are the stray cats in my neighborhood. And even then, they're not looking for me; their thoughts and eyes, are on the sexy female cat living next-door. #WhenYouCantEvenWinAgainstAcat.
And no... "cat" is not a euphemism for something else. When I say cat, I really mean cat. Of the genus Felis. The Felis Catus... Nope... Not a bad word.... It's the scientific name for cat.
Hey, I know stuff... Smart people stuff... I watch documentaries... and the History channel... Do their explanations take a moment to process... and sometimes believe? Perhaps...
Like I'm smart.
But I could be smarter.
The kind of smart, where I need to use Google to excitedly and correctly answer all the riddles shared in my family and extended family's group chat...
Hey... It's not cheating... It's called being innovative...
And perhaps watching Columbo* makes me a little miserable... cause as much as I try, I'm never able to guess how Columbo is going to prove the crime and nail the killer.
*It's a 60s series that my mom made me watch
because she said it's really good... and I grumbled and complained
but gave in to watching it... because saying "no" to my mom is something I can never do... Then much to my chagrin, found the show to be really good... I even cheer when he gives his “Just
One More Thing”
as he delivers the final parting shot to the killer... Man... I guess there's some truth in the
saying, “Your
mom is always right.”
Also some of the jokes on Young Sheldon may need repeated listening for me to fully understand them...
Then there are all the x-rated jokes on series like How I Met Your Mother, where I don't get the jokes at all. Like I have to Google it and still don't get the joke....
So maybe I'm a bit of a prude... and sometimes my brain falls asleep... It has low stamina.
Not the reaction you would hope for, as you begin your blog post... but anyway... back to the strays...
The strays going for the cat that lives next door. Doesn't that always happen. The hot guy falling for the girl who lives next-door to you, or your room-mate, because she's way hotter than you.
Wait... When I say “hot
guy”, I meant men. Homo sapiens. Not cats. I don't think cats are hot... Look... I'm weird but not that weird...
So anyway, the hot guy you like, falling for your next-door neighbor or your room-mate. That happens, doesn't it?
Hey... I heard it from Ted when he told us how he met our mother...
Yeahhh That came out wrong... I meant, when he told his kids, how he met their mother... A series that would have been more aptly titled, "How I dated a bunch of women"...
Imagine how horrible it must be listening to your dad's crazy dating shenanigans...
Which to me , would probably be like eating bean sprouts, which I hate. They look like worms. Taste like one too?
Am I weird that I don't want to hear courtship tales of my parents... My mom talks a little about her and my dad, and their “courtship”, and I'm like, "Somebody. PLEASE. COME AND TAKE ME AWAYYYY from here... right now... PLEASE!!"
Or I run to my room the moment she starts.
Yes. Yes. I know. I'm like a 5-year-old. Sorry.
But I don't want to hear intimate romance stuff from my family members or friends. I still can't bring myself to watch the uncensored version of Game of Thrones... I watch the censored version of the show, where there are dragons, icy creatures, wolves and Jon Snow but no scenes that involves people doing stuff without their clothes on that makes me hug my pillow in terror.
Haven't really experienced the guy falling for my room-mate thing though. Mostly cause I don't date... or have crushes on guys...
Also, I live with my mom. And not in that, I-can't-afford-my-own-place, kind of way, but more of a, I-Love-My-Mom-And-She-Doesn't-Like-Living-Alone, kind of way.
But then again, the hot guy falling for my mom could actually happen, mostly cause people generally assume she's my sister... And she's also way more popular than me...
Pretty sure my friends and colleagues like my mom more than they like me...
One colleague even calls my mom her best friend... My mom... Not me... My mom... And we've worked together for more than 10 years...
And do I mind??? Not at all... I like my mom too...
Yeahhhh... I'm like the mold on a stale bread when compared to any member of my family...
My parents are loved by many... So are my siblings... They're like the “Raymond”.... My brother and sister.... Everybody likes them... Smart, funny, the life of the party...
I'm like the older brother in Everybody Likes Raymond... who tries his best... but it doesn't seem to be enough...
With my siblings is full-on laughter... But with me is just awkward, polite giggles... It's like they laugh cause they feel sorry for me...
Oh well... I'm not jealous though... I'm proud to be related to them... and excitedly share all their achievements with my friends and colleagues...
I told my young cousin that I would never introduce her to Tyler Hoechlin because my cousin's so pretty, sweet and kind... What if he ends up liking her...
It would kill me each time I see them together, and I can't even wish bad things on them cause I love my cousin...
But it will hurt... Like I would cry myself to sleep every night... I'm actually already depressed just writing about it.
