3) I'm not Single, I’m just Romantically Challenged

Sharing my thoughts on the movie, Never Been Kissed, and the TV series Alias... in my usual rambling, I-wish-she-would-stick-to-the-point, what-is-wrong-with-her, way... 

I go on and on about those two movies and other movies I've watched, from Little House on the Prairie, to Life is Beautiful, to Columbo, and 12 Angry Men, to Game of Thrones and Lord of the Rings, in a strictly you-call-that-a-review-it's-all-over-the-place way.... 

There's also some embarrassing prose about my celebrity crush, Tyler Hoechlin... And my nobody-asked-her-or cares-but-she-wants-to-share-anyway TMI confession... about being romantically challenged...

Hey, if Josie Geller can make a confession like that. So can I... 

Of course, she gets a kiss from a gorgeous guy at the end of her confession... Me??? All the action my mouth wants is sinking my teeth into a delicious chocolate truffle... preferably spiked with rum...

Probably not a smart move talking about chocolates spiked with rum in front of Mr. Goody Two Shoes, Clark Kent... 

I wish there were more men like Clark Kent.... Or John-Boy Walton...

I like goody two shoes men... but most men nowadays seem to be goody half shoe... sometimes no shoes at all...

Cause I'm into the Clark Kent kind of guys - the ones who gush, are sweet, dorky... and shy... 

Not the Bruce Wayne types, who changes women like I change toothbrushes... which is usually every few weeks... because I wear out the bristles pretty quickly... My teeth are Wolverine wanabees... 

 

What it feels like for my toothbrush bristles... when my teeth get to them...  

Anyway... When you're someone like me, who can resist many things... but not when it's covered in chocolate... 

And you discover alcoholic chocolates for the first time... that your siblings were nice enough to buy for you... it's when you realize why Forrest Gump said life was like a box of chocolates... delicious and sinful!

Oh yes, Elsa and Anna... I hear you...

You know you're of a different kind of... let's just call it... the “limited edition” species... when you wish you can high 5 characters from an animated movie, for their love of chocolates... 

Actually when you wish you could eat their chocolates... Those chocolate eclairs in the movie, although in drawing form, sure did look good...  

Tummy approved...

 

 So sexy...

I do have a tendency to watch animated movies... and since I don't have any children to use as an excuse for watching them.... I have to watch these animated movies in the privacy of my home... 

Because after all, why else would you have kids? You need the kids as a buffer... Other than using them for your own viral video... 

Like it doesn't matter if they are dying.. or in pain... A parent's first thought used to be “I NEED TO SAVE MY KIDS... OH POOR BABY... STOP CRYING”... 

Nowadays, it's just “Where's my phone!”....

Sorry kids... I guess it's tough being a kid in the 21st century.... 

They already have to suffer through 21st-century parents putting fancy names for them.... 

It used to be simple ones like Tyler... Now the names are just plain weird, hard to pronounce or remember.... 

Like naming kids Cabinet... Cabinet Smith...

Sorry, Cabi... I feel you, bud.

Anyway, animated movies... Love their cute, funny characters... especially the kids...

If I could I would so adopt Agnes.... 

I don't care if she's animated... 

I don't discriminate...

Hmmmm... Now that I think of it... 

Maybe "adopt" is too strong a word... 

 

I do have a tendency to get overly attached to the films I watch... 

I screamed at my tv, “yes pick her pick her” when Meredith Grey gave her “pick me, choose me, love me” speech... Maybe I even cried a little... 

My heart melted (the fact that it was Tyler Hoechlin saying those words made it even more melting-worthy) when Clark Kent said the lines, “There was no going back after the first time I saw her”... which was how I felt the first time I ate a creamy potato salad. 

Like I wish I had one of those thingamajig... what do you call them... yeah... boyfriends... so I could give romantic tv character speeches to... 

But then again, I'm not really the type of woman who would beg a guy to love her so... yeah... maybe not the Meredith Grey speech...

But I did once tell the bowl of ice-cream I was eating, “Nothing truly ever made sense until you came into my life”...  It was a rough day, I was feeling mushy...  

Another time, I came home from work... and saw my mom had cooked spinach curry, my favorite,  with green peas, also my favorite.... in that special way she does it... 

And it had been months since she cooked it last... and I almost lost it... I hugged the pot of curry and cried...

I think I said, "I'm just a girl, standing in front of you spinach, asking you to love me... or at least to taste as good as I remember you"...

 

Luckily my mom didn't say this to me... or maybe she did... internally... but hey... as long as it wasn't said out loud...... I guess she's used to the crazy things I do... 

I mean she has caught me saying, “You complete me” as I gazed lovingly at the slice of pizza I was eating... 

Slowly and softly to make it sound more sexy... like you see all those seductive women doing on tv...

I didn't look sexy... 

I looked like "Donkey" from Shrek...  

I did make the mistake of doing the sexy voice thing to my food... in front of my mom, who asked me, “why are you talking in that voice.... are you sick?”... 

Glad to know that my sexy romantic voice is the same as someone being sick...

Maybe I should date an animal too... like say a werewolf... the Derek Hale version...     

 

Not liking the idea, eh Derek?

 

This is also my mom's general reaction around me... 

I guess when you have a "unique" daughter like me... the Derek Hale exasperated expression tends to come naturally...

But I'm not a total loser... I don't always say words of endearment to food... 

I occasionally say it to my dumbbells... Which is not weird at all... It's not like I call them my honey iron bunny... That could be considered weird... I'm not the cooing honey bunny kind of person anyway...

Although when I go on holiday or if my family visits, and I can't do my workouts for a while... when I'm able to come back to my workouts again, I say “I've missed you” to my dumbbells... Wait, is that weird?

 

Looking at those biceps, Tyler, you probably understand loving your dumbbells too, don't you?

 

So I guess nothing surprises my mom anymore when it comes to me... Why do you think she's trying to sell me on eBay... 

I mean... she would if she knew how to use eBay... 

Cause I'm the one who usually does all her online things... like updating stuff to her social media accounts...

I mean she can ask me, "Can you upload the photos of these cute kids and their Catechism work to Facebook"... which she usually does... but she can't exactly say, "Can you find me a new daughter online... a higher grade one... and see if it could be exchanged with you"... 

Cause that would be tacky...

Really nobody cares? I thought my life is a constant source of entertainment... 

Who am I kidding... Even I get bored when I start talking...

I'm rambling, aren't I? I'm sorry... 

Those rum chocolate bars sure did taste good...

 Which is how I feel right now...

Oh man... when you start a blog post with the resemblance of a drunken babble...  

So anyway... Back to my review of the movie, Never Been Kissed...

 

 

I watched the movie "Never Been Kissed" the other day... 

And you realize nothing makes you feel old than finding out a movie you watched... which had seemed like just a while ago... is now 20-years-old... which also makes you 20 years older...

Gasp... 😬

I kid...  I'm actually fine being older... Grey hair... Wrinkles... Looking old ... People saying my mom is my sister.... Calling me aunty... 

It's all FINE! 

Ok maybe not the calling me aunty part... 

 

I get the "look older than my age" a lot too... but hey, I'm fine! 

 

So anyway other than my total aversion to people calling me “aunty” (I've boycotted shops and refused to go back when they do that)... I actually have no issues with getting older and all the trappings that come with it... I don't do botox or lifts... Or wear cream... 

I dye my hair cause my sister and sister-in-law ask me to.... And I say yes because I'm scared of I love them...

So anyway, was feeling nostalgic... so I watched the movie...

 

I also craved pie watching the movie... 

 

You know how when you're in school... and your much older cousins, who were like in their 20s, tell you,  

“You say you hate school now... but just you wait... once you finish school and start working like us... you're gonna miss your school days”....

Hmmmm I'm sorry to disappoint them... but NOPE... I don't miss school at all...

I love working... I don't ever want to go back to school... 

Which is why I would never tell a kid that they will miss their school days... I'm all like, "You hate school? I feel you... Hang in there, my school-ies"...

I see young kids, going to school with such a miserable, forlorn look on their face... and I get it... 

Like seriously... Sitting in the hot, stuffy classroom... listening to teachers droning on about medulla oblongata... while you think of oblong burgers....

Yeah... School... Sorry... No hard feelings... But honestly.. I don't miss you at all...

But then again... forget my school days... the present isn't so good either 😩 but that's just venting for another day. No energy for the weary contemplation of my life today. 

Ok... I kid... My life isn't that awful... I just like to act like I'm some brooding gal... Probably due to recently discovering my old collection of Simple Plan songs... so I'm on full angsty why-does-everything-happen-to-me mode... 

Anyway, I came to the realization that I'm Josie Geller, but not in a cute, "I can have the gorgeous Michael Vartan falling in love with me" kind of way, but more in a 'scare-the-children' kind of way.

I'm dead serious. I scare kids... They literally stare at me like they've just seen a sexy (I wish)... scary troll... Their eyes following my every move as they stare at me in complete, and utter fear. 

Some take the 'Harry Potter and Troll' route and run away screaming as if I had just said "me hungry, we wanna eat you". 

Sigh... Why, kids, why?? No. Don't run away. 

Aunty good. Aunty looks like Shrek but Aunty won't eat you. 

Unless you are a potato, which Aunty likes... very much.  

Yeah kid... I know I know... I'm a little weird... I even scare myself sometimes.

Anyway, back to "Never Been Kissed". 

The only reason that I watched the movie, "Never Been Kissed" was because of Michael Vartan... remembering him with fond, fond memories from Alias, a spy series that I was hooked on when I was young....

I actually got to watch Alias again recently... And was pleasantly surprised to find that every badass scene of Sydney Bristow, every exciting disguise and thrilling escape... were still as good as I remembered them...

 

You're welcome!

 

I remember sticking with the series even through the love triangle debacle in Season 3 when all I wanted to do was kick Michael Vaughn for being a complete moron. 

She's supposed to be the love of your life, you infuriating man, and you couldn't wait 2 years!

You get married to another woman? Seriously!

I know right, little cute kid, who does a perfect rolling of the eyes... Exactly how I felt too... 

I don't care if you thought she was dead, Michael Vaughn... 

You're supposed to mourn the love of your life forever... No moving on... No other women... You live your life pining for your love..

You think Clark Kent would find another woman if Lois Lane died? No! He would remain faithful to her memory... 

Ok... Maybe I'm into all things Superman now because of Tyler Hoechlin. 

Which is why I don't date... cause :

1. Superman is taken... 

2. People; why can't they remain faithful!   

Cause I value devotion... I get my haircut from the same person every time... Only her shop... No one else... 

Hey, I'm not letting someone else touch my hair... You think uncle Jesse will let anyone touch his hair...

 

What!!!! I'm faithful!

I'm even faithful to my shoes... I don't ever change them until they're worn out and falling apart... and starting to hurt my feet.... 

No! I'm no cheapskate... I'm faithful! Yeah... to my shoes... We've gone through a lot together... It had my feet in its hands... or is it in its body??? 

I'm not even changing my blanket... Right now, there is a big gaping hole in the middle of my blanket... The hole doesn't help in protecting me from the cold at all... My mom says, "I'll give you a new blanket".... I say, "No"...

 

What... Don't shake your head, Tyler... 

I can't betray my blanket like that... I'm faithful...

 

Update : The blanket is ok now..... I happened to tell my mom about it... and she sewed it up while I was at work... I love my mom!

 

I'm the type of girl, who doesn't even cheat on her celebrity crush... I only have one. That's it. None. Nada. No one else... 

Not even a crush on anyone I know in real life... 

And feel guilty when I see an actor on TV and think he's cute... Cause it's like cheating on my celebrity crush, you know...

 

Wait... No one else feels this way? 

Hmmmm... Weird... I so need a guidebook on this whole relationship thing...

This is what people often tell me... when I talk about my celebrity crush...

Sorry... I forgot to take my celebrity crush antidote medication today.

 

Anyway... Back to Alias...

Jennifer Garner was awesome as Sydney Bristow; from sweet and sensitive, to badass, and rocking any disguise. 

She was even great... and totally believable as a kid in an adult body... in the movie, "13 going on 30". 

I have been a fan of Jennifer Garner from her time on Alias.... She just seems sweet and funny, and a really fun person to be around... With cool, hilarious Instagram posts, https://www.instagram.com/jennifer.garner/

And most jealously.... she doesn't seemed to have aged at all... She still looks the same she did 20 years ago... 

Oh man... This scene!

I remember when I first saw it... The slow-mo walk towards each other... The kiss... Their chemistry...

The person who visualized this scene, probably was in a very good mood... and had a really good breakfast... because they knew how to hit the right notes...

I got all the feels seeing my favorite couple finally getting the chance to be together.... Was rooting for them from their very first meeting...

No questions, Michael Vaughn.... No questions at all.

Hmmm. What were you saying...

Please excuse me, do keep talking, while I gaze at your handsome, clean-cut face. 

The scene when Will Tippin meets Vaughn for the first time... Man... The look on Will's face, "You're Sydney's handler? I'm screwed!" 

Poor guy... 

Yeah. I get it, Will... I know how you feel... 

When you meet the competition... the competition for your crush..... and know you have no chance... No chance at all...  

Which is how I feel when I see the beautiful women my celebrity crush follows on Insta... and those he dated... or worked with... or currently works with... and the beautiful women who share photos they have taken with him... 

He's basically surrounded by hot women.... Even his mom is hot...   

I may be heading into creepy fan territory when I say, “I admire his parents”... But I do... 

Mostly cause they remind me of mine... His dad does a lot of humanitarian work... So did my father... His mom is active... bike racing... skiing... And a total badass.... So is my mom....

 

Me...

As for me, you might wonder... I'm just a big ass... 

But not in a totally fit Kardashian way.... but in a -nobody wants me and think I suck- way... 

Me, being physical is getting up from the bed in the morning... or walking to the kitchen to see what's in the fridge... 

(which I do less now cause I'm on this weight loss journey... Also I'm so tired after my workouts that I can't make my legs do the walking to the kitchen thing)...

 

I don't know the source of this photo and I hope it's not from any private account but I really like this photo... I love that mom and son are so close and do stuff like this together...

 

And anyway abs!!! 

His mom has abs! And even now in her almost 60s, she's still so toned... and so active...

Like seriously! 

I know the pains of a workout... I'm not even thinking of getting abs... 

I struggle through my workouts just so my stomach wouldn't look like a watermelon was growing there... 

That my spare tyre will finally get a puncture...

Cause I was told when I was young by some elderly ladies that if you eat the seeds of fruits, the fruit will grow inside you... and looking at my stomach sometimes, that statement may actually be true...

So depressing is not only all the gorgeous women in your celebrity crush's life but when even his mom looks younger and way hotter than you... 

His mom looks young enough to be his sister... 

I look like a sack of potatoes... like soggy fries...

No... I'm not hating on potatoes... But I like fries that are crispy...

I like potatoes; creamed... whipped... mashed.... chips... wedges... hash browns... cute little tots... anything goes...  

Potato salad is one of my all-time favorite food... especially since it has the word salad... cause I'm trying to eat healthy you know... 

Man... I have a sudden craving for a fully-loaded, cheesy baked potato...

I think I freaked out some potatoes... 

So anyway... 

Looking at all the beautiful women, friends and co-stars, that Tyler is surrounded with... 

Can you blame me for wishing I was a little bit more beautiful? 

More intelligent... Or fun...

I'm sure men or women enjoy being with beautiful people... Someone pleasing to the eyes... 

How can I fault him for wanting to be with someone beautiful... and fun.... 

Who makes him laugh when he's with her... 

And smile when he goes to sleep or when he's alone and thinking of her...

Ok that's not a smile, Tyler? 

That's more a "Seriously! What is wrong with you?" look... 

Why are you giving me that look? 

Maybe I shouldn't care about my looks so much? And just concentrate on changing my irritating personality.

Touche!

You know what is sad... 

Sadness is realizing your crush is probably going to find someone and settle down soon... and that you're probably going to eat some cheesy potatoes as writing about potatoes here is making you crave them... and cry when you weigh yourself tomorrow...  

Sighhh... Trying to lose weight is tough... especially when food gets in the way...

So anyway all that rambling about my celebrity crush was to let you know that I understand how you feel, Will Tippin... 

I liked you on Alias and felt sorry for you... 

The best friend devotedly in love with the girl, who didn't return those feelings... 

I feel for you, Will... Seriously I do... but I couldn't help being on team Vaughn... Sorry...     

Yeah, don't feel bad, Will Tippin. 

Look on the bright side, you got to grow up and become Bradley Cooper. So not too shabby... eh? 

Anyyyywayyyyyyyy!!!!!!! Michael Vartan... As I said, fond memories...  

I'm kidding... It wasn't like a crush or anything... that I spent my days thinking about him... 

I just thought he was cute and enjoyed seeing his face on my tv... And I liked his character... All the shy boy persona in S1, with that obvious massive crush on Sydney... 

 

Swoon!

Nothing beats having a guy go on a rant about how crazy he is about you...    

Then he got married in S2 when Sydney was kidnapped, which made me mad cause I'm big on fidelity... and decided he no longer deserved my “favorite male character on Alias” rating... 

Served him right that his wife was using him... That's what you get for not being loyal to your one true love, Vaughn... 

I don't care if you thought she died... you remain faithful to her memory... 

That's the least I expect from one of my favorite characters on TV at that time, after MacGyver...

 

When a gif tries to get your attention because you're going off-topic in your review....

Sorry... Didn't mean to ignore you, Josie... 

Watching the movie, "Never Been Kissed" in the 90s.... and now, being more mature... and I use the word "mature" very loosely when it comes to me... I just realized that the movie had some serious issues. 

Not really into the concept of a teacher having feelings for a student...

No Sam Coulson. Not cool. Don't flirt with your student...

As pretty as your smile is... Still wrong... 

So no smiling... No telling her “when you're my age, guys will be lined up around the corner for you”... cause key word here is “AGE”... 

Don't say, “Actually, I shouldn't say that because I'm your teacher”.

Don't say anything... 

No thinking... 

No looking... 

Full stop! 

Don't look at her like that, dude... She's supposed to be a kid!

Just do your job, man... Teach!

Kinda think I would not fall in love with a man who had the hots for you when he thought you were a kid... 

Looking at you, Josie Geller...   

You should have asked him to lose your number instead of asking to come and kiss you... 

Look I can't deny that this film had issues... 

1. He already had a girlfriend... So no looking at other women... You think I would look at other men if I had a boyfriend... I don't even look at other men while having a celebrity crush... 

My "being faithful" level is at the extreme range... as I think it should be... with anyone... You love someone, you remain faithful... Only think of that person... all the time...    

Say what you want but I have a hard time trusting anyone who hits on you while he's with his girlfriend... 

Because you know that kind of guy... is just going to start hitting on someone else once he gets bored with you...

 

Giving new meaning to being a dog...

 

2. She's young! She may have been older for real... but he didn't know that... To him, she's still a kid... His student... No matter how grown-up she may have seemed, she's still supposed to be just a kid... 

The entire premise of the movie was off... All the adult and underage kid "thing" that was going on was a turn off... for me... 

Plot problem aside though... I did enjoy the ending...

No other rom-com ending I've watched so far beats having Michael Vartan... in a sweater no less... (because I have a special place in my eyes... and heart... for men in sweaters).... running down those bleachers... then jogging in big strides towards his woman... just to give her a kiss...   

Making it perfect was "Don't Worry Baby" by The Beach Boys playing in the background... Love that song...

One of the best rom-com ending ever... 

Until I watched the rom-com Tyler Hoechlin was in, of course... 

I'm all for big romantic gestures... I salute guys who have out-of-this-world proposals like through flash mobs, and stuff... Or make big confessions in front of a huge crowd of people... 

So having a guy, like Jack Harper, confess his feelings and his secrets, like how he asked for the bra of the first woman he slept with (maybe too much info this one, Jack)... to you in a plane full of people laughing at him... is nothing short of romantic... For me...

Also it's Tyler Hoechlin... He could have said, “I eat worms for fun” and I would have still found it romantic... 

Every word he uttered in that movie was romantic for me... I would happily listen to him reciting the phone book... 

Well ok maybe not... Cause phone books are boring... Why do people say that, “I could listen to him reciting the phone book”... 

Phone books are boring! Why would anyone want to listen to that... 

I don't even like listening to audio books cause mostly I lose concentration... and I like looking at the words on a page and enjoy the feel of a book in my hands... and sometime re-read those parts I like best... 

It's like when you rewind to re-watch some of your favorite scenes. 

Waittt... Are you kidding me! 

Seriously, Tyler? You want me?

 

  

Awww shucks... You really had me going there for a minute, Tyler... 

 

Sorry for that little trip down my imagination... Or I should say trip down fantasy lane. 

So  anyway... Where was I? 

Oh Never Been Kissed... No beating that ending... They cheered?? Heck. I cheered.

 

Even now, anytime I hear that song, no matter where I am, or what I'm doing, this scene will pop into my head, and it usually leaves me smiling. 

I also look around to see if there's any guy running in like super slow-motion towards me... 

So you know, I can get out of the way... Hey... I'm not getting in the way of a man running towards true love. 

Also I know any guy running towards me... is usually for the more beautiful woman standing behind me. 

And I say this with no resentment whatsoever. Seriously.

I'm like a Pink song... All rock star...  

I like watching films that inspire you... and make you strive to be better... 

True life stories and biopics of people who struggle against adversities to triumph... 

And they are the best kind of movies because they are not works of fiction... but things that have actually happened... 

The people in the stories don't just exist in fantasy... They are actual people... 

So if they can achieve success... why can't we? Or so I think... 

 

Another cool movie... 

 

Life is Beautiful is another movie I enjoyed... Felt like crying throughout the movie though, with an ending that was painful... Brings new meaning to the phrase so close yet so far... so so close... But the irony of the ending aside... it made me realize sometimes it's how we look at things that matters... 

We can take whatever difficulties we're facing as something to mourn and be depressed about... or we can take it as an adventure... 

Look at it from a different perspective.... even if we're facing things that are so difficult at times...

And nothing beats what they were going through on that camp... 

Yet the father remaining strong and not letting his fear and worry get the better of him... just to protect his son from the horror of what was happening to them... is sacrifice beyond measure... 

A parent's love and a man's positive mindset...

Just typing this... remembering the film... still brings tears to my eyes...  

Or "Little House on the Prairie", and "The Waltons", which I watched thanks to my mom's urging... 

I love the good values imparted... to continue on, no matter what life throws at you.... To never lose hope... 

They face such hardships, but they never let it overwhelm them... or let their faith waver...

Because as the wise men on The Winchesters once said, “Faith is what you make it”...

The show inspired me and taught me values of forgiveness... 

Of helping one another... Of always believing in yourself and your abilities... 

Of never letting difficulties make you lose faith but instead be strengthened by the faith you have... and finding joy in the simple things... 

Like the strength of spirit my mom had when her cancer not only returned but metastasized ... She didn't take it as something to be sad about... she took it in her stride... 

Her positivity, cheerful disposition and faith remained firm... no matter the surgeries, procedures and treatment she had to go through... 

She never stopped smiling or looking out for those she loves... 

"I'm ok... I'm ok" is always ever ready on her lips... and not even chemo, a stronger dose compared to her previous one... stopped her from being active...

She is and will always be my greatest inspiration...

The scene in Little House on the Prairie that captured my interest and made me continue to watch... other than my mom urging me to watch... was in the very first episode, a harvest of friends... 

The whole town coming together to help Charles with his crop when he couldn't do it himself due to injuries... was not only touching but was inspiring... 

A reminder to myself to do the same for others if needed....   

Nels Oleson also taught me the value of patience... The importance of having a significant other, who can be your rock and support, and make you a better person, like the relationship the Ingalls had... 

Instead of having a significant other, who stops you from doing good and making you the worst version of yourself... 

I'm glad though that for the things that really mattered, Nels stood up to his wife... and helped those who needed it... even if his wife disapproved...  

I also hope that I don't have the personality of Mrs. Oleson... although she does have her moments, when she does something unexpectedly kind.... so I guess I shouldn't judge her?

 

Probably Mrs. Oleson's reaction if she ever meets me... 

that and her snarky remarks, always done with a fake sweet smile... 

with her perpetual look of grimace and disdain... 

The actress who played her did an awesome job...

 

What is this... Little House on the Prairie review... 

Man, went out of topic... Sorry... 

I love watching movies... can't you tell... from any decade... 

Movies, young or old, doesn't matter... I love them all... 

 

Yes.... My favorite things.. 

Movies definitely... Books... Songs... 

And definitely food, all the crisp apple strudels and schnitzels... 

and raindrops... and thunderstorms... and Christmas... 

Anyway... The plot of Never Been Kissed may have needed fixing... and Sam Coulson may not have been my favorite rom-com hero for crushing on a 17-year-old... maybe even flirting with her... but the overall message of the movie... of loving and accepting yourself... was inspiring.

There are many who resort to self-harm or try to change the person they are because they feel they are not accepted, or not loved for who they are...  

Some try to make themselves be what the person they're crushing on wants them to be... by changing their looks or their personality.... and singing "You're the One That I Want"...  

Which may seem ok for the moment but you can't live your whole life being someone you're not... You can't live a lie...  

I've always felt that a good life partner will make you a better person, be your rock, strength and comfort... Your confidant... Who inspires you and makes you believe in yourself because they believe in you... 

 

Wise words, Tyler Hoechlin... 

I can relate to wanting to be accepted and loved... but although I may whine a lot about myself... 

I accept all my quirks and weirdness, and will never change the person I am...

This is who I am... I'm not going to pretend to smoke a cigarette and say "Tell me bout it, Stud", then do a big dance number while wearing tight leather... for anyone... 

Don't like me?? 

    Fine! 

     My TV loves me.. 

       Love you too, baby...

        Embrace your crazy... like me...

 

 

 

 

So often, we try to conform to what society expects of us... to be what the people around us wants us to be... whether it's our family or friends... 

Sometimes it's ok to just be us... We may not be perfect... We may not be liked... People may laugh at us... Call us names... Say hurtful things... Put us down... 

We can't change people's views... The important thing is to remain honest... and not pretend to be something we're not... 

I know sometimes that people don't like me.... It's like an instinct thing... I can feel that they don't like me...

That they're just tolerating me because they have to be around my presence so they are trying to accept it... but if they could, they would wish they never have to see me again... 

Maybe they doubt my sincerity... Hate my personality... Think I suck... 

But then I don't hate them for it... I can even understand a little... I know I can be what people say, "an acquired taste"...

Yes, Tyler... The bar for myself is set way down low...

All I can do is pray to be a better person... Be more likeable... That in time they will grow to like me... even if I can't change the way I am, I can just try to be better... And make my weaknesses my strength...

I do have my strengths... like strong integrity... I won't use people... or steal credit for their hard work.. accept bribes... backstab a colleague just to rise in ranks... 

Or be with someone for their money or the connections they will bring me... 

Yes Peter Hale... My colleagues too have called me old-fashioned too because I have the belief that you get in a relationship with someone because you love them... and not for financial reasons... Or because you like their hot body... 

They sneered at me and said people now need money to survive... and they would dump their significant other in a heartbeat if someone rich wanted them... 

And I'm like, “you need money, earn it yourself but not illegally or by giving up your dignity and self-respect”....

Exactly what my colleagues said to me in reply...

Sorry... That's how I think... That you like someone for their heart.... for the things you have in common... or the conversations you have... not their looks or their financial status... 

Probably why I'm still single... But hey at least I'm happy... and don't have to live with the guilt of deceit... 

Or so I think... I know I always say I'm weird... But I'm proud of my weirdness...

In some ways, this message is true. 

Unless you are me of course, who went to school with kids, who are now rocking their 40s... 

With their youthful looks, killer careers, trips around the world... while my life is work, TV, books and this blog... where I spend my time... venting... prattling on about things I like... rambling on non-stop, and...  looking for gifs... 

Am I jealous of them? 

Maybe I do... Sometimes... When it's one of those days... When I'm feeling the worst...

Do I wish for a different life? 

No... Of course not... I like my life... I love my family... and the people in my life...  

Also gifs are cool... I live my life through gifs...

I once had an entire conversation with someone using only gifs... 

 

It was... 

Some of the popular people in school, the handsome jock or the pretty cheerleader, may not look the same anymore. 

The once muscled gorgeous hunk may now have a beer belly...

Like look at what happened to Thor in Avengers : Endgame. 

Hey.. If it could happen to Thor.... it could certainly happen to us mere mortals. 

And that's just it... There's nothing wrong with that.... We shouldn't aim for perfection but have the guts, no pun intended, to be happy with who we are... Beer gut and all. 

Actually this message is more just for me... To be happy with my big belly that was cultivated with a lot of pizza and desserts... especially cakes... 

Like I did try to stay away from the cake... but the cake seduced me with its Nutella... 

But then again, what is life... without cake...

You want to lose that big belly, like I am trying to do now, do it for health reasons and not because of what others think of you... 

And hey even after all those barrels of beer, Thor still rocks... 

He's still all thunder and lightning... a bundle so wonderfully shining... and all ready for Kung Fu fighting... 

Oh man... what the thor am I writing...

Most of the gorgeous celebrities we have pinned on our walls. 

Wait... That came out wrong... I meant... Their photos... Not them... Sorry... This is not Game of Thrones. 

Most of them claim that they were the least popular kids in school... That nobody looked at them in high school... Irony... Now people can't stop looking at them... 

Unless you're Tyler Hoechlin of course, who was the gorgeous high school jock, who ended up becoming an even hotter adult, if that's even possible... Some guys, just look good... at.... any.... age...

 

 

 

 

 

 

Yes. I do Tyler Hoechlin... 

Yes I do! 💘

 

 

 

 

 

Sorry.. I digress.. 

So back to "Never Been Kissed".   

Taking my cue from the movie, here's my confession :

I'm in my early 40s and I have never really kissed a guy. 

Actually. I've never kissed. No first kiss. No boyfriends. Never been on dates.

 

Yes really. 

Shut up Michael Scott. 

 

Which is something not exactly abnormal in our Asian country... Most people don't date and only kiss on their wedding night... Some date after they're married... and don't even kiss at all even after being married for years...   

But what's not common is that I've never actually been in love.... Not even any one-sided love.... I don't think I've even had a real-life crush on anyone.... 

I was in an all-girl school so the only contact with boys were those that appeared on my TV screen every night. 

 

Yes... They had smiles like yours too, Tyler Hoechlin... but I remained firm...  

 

Like sometimes people ask me if there's any guy I'm interested in... 

And I say, “There is this one guy... He's gorgeous but most importantly, he's wonderful and kind... Cause that's the most important thing.... he has to be kind... I really like him!”.... 

And they're like, “That's great... Go for it... Tell him how you feel”.... 

And I crush their spirits by saying, “I don't think he can hear me... because he's in the pages of my storybook”.... 

Maybe they also curse me a little.

 

Exactly the look they give me... 

I had no cute next-door neighbor or best friend's brother to get me excited... Like you see in movies... 

Then college happened (or university as they say it here in my Asian country).

I thought maybe some cute college guy would set my heart aflutter... ("my heart aflutter" - man... I'm so corny...)... 

Nope... And I certainly did not have a professor that looked like the "manufactured from the Hot Teachers Academy", Sam Coulson from Never Been Kissed.

Now I'm working. Still nothing. No crush. No love. No romance. Nothing to even make my heart skip a beat. 

Wait. Who comes up with phrases like that... "Skip a beat"?  

Like how can your heart skip... I struggle through any workout that has the word 'skipping' in it... you think a heart will like to skip... I'm guessing NOT!

Wait... Unless it likes the cardio? Is that why we do cardio workouts so our heart can skip a beat? Or is it skip to the beat of the cardio music?

Anyway.... It sounds medically dangerous... Right, Dr. Avery? 

Ok.. He looks confused... That's usually people's reaction when I start talking... utter confusion... 

Anyway. My heart is still safe with me. Not doing any dangerous skipping... It doesn't even hop...

It's closed tight probably with cement or concrete. Nothing is getting through. I guess all the fat around it acts as a wall that keeps my heart safe.

Which is a good thing I guess. Prevents a broken heart. 

No crying myself to sleep at night because my crush has a girlfriend. 

No walking down the corridor, hoping to run into him. 

No screaming in my room, "I know... I knowwwww... your love is just a... (deng deng deng "drumbeat") lie... liiieeeee... lie... It's nothing but a... (deng deng deng "drumbeat") liieeee... lieeee... "

while I sob and eat ice-cream. 

I mean I guess this is what happens. I also really like ice-cream.

I've seen it in movies all the time. Heard it in songs. 

"Walk under a bus, hit by a train"

That's falling in love?? 

Like whattttt the cake!

HIT BY A TRAIN! No thank you! I don't want no train hitting me.

The worst thing is I don't even have a best-friend, who would eat that ice-cream with me and plot revenge on the cheating boyfriend. 

And when I plot revenge... it's not going to go down the scratch his car... or burn his clothes in a bonfire... or release his private, ugly, embarrassing photos on social media... route. 

Mine will probably be the Sansa Stark and hungry dogs revenge route... and may, or may not, involve a blowtorch and his crotch. 😈

 

I will put hot blended chilies in that cheating boyfriend's facial wash. In his coffee. 

I'm so badass, I will use the Carolina Reaper pepper cause it's the spiciest pepper around. 

What??? I know stuff. I read... smart people stuff...

I'm no witch like Hermione, so I can't have the words, “LIAR” or "CHEATING BOYFRIEND" magically appear on his forehead... But I could use a marker... And I'm so badass, I will use a permanent marker...  Yes... Take that cheating boyfriend...

I will "dig my keys into the sides of his car, carve my name on his leather seats, slash his tires, and take a Louisville Slugger to his car's headlights".... hmmmm or maybe a certain part of his anatomy... 

Carrie Underwood taught me things in that song of hers. 

I ain't taking no slugger to his car or crotch... I'm using a blowtorch...

While rocking out to Daughtry's "I got over you" at home, once I'm done destroying his things... his hopes and dreams... and his ability to make babies... 

Too violent????

Sorry... Maybe I re-watched "Taken" yesterday. 

 

And maybe I went around the house saying "I will look for you, I will find you, and I will kill you"... in different intonations... 

Maybe I freaked out a few people... and also I think my mom just called my brother to say, "your sister has finally lost it!" 

Oh man.... ma... I was just trying my hand at acting!

Anywayyyyy... Where was I?  

I'm really weird, aren't I?

Sorry. Thinking about a non-existent, imaginary boyfriend cheating on me, got me all riled up.

Man... Thank goodness, I've never been in a relationship as I would make a terrible girlfriend, and an even worse ex-girlfriend... 

So no love. No skipping hearts. No crush or boyfriend to break my heart...

The only excitement I have in my life is walking by my TV and seeing a man tied up and hanging by his hands.. 

No... I'm not talking about Fifty Shades... Jeez.. I'm not THAT KIND of girl...

I haven't even watched the movie, although I've heard about it... But I wonder why would anyone think being spanked is sexy? Or fun... Or pleasurable. 

Hey.. If it's spanking you want... just come to Indian homes... Parents spank their kids left and right... 

 

Sorry for revealing trade secrets... 

 

Talking back to your parents... Spank... Didn't do your homework... Spank... Getting into mischief... Spank... Teacher complained about your kid... Spank... 

Kids usually hate and try to avoid it... 

Adults actually want it done to them for fun? 

I don't get adults sometimes... 

I didn't get any spanking when young... cause my father's angry yell was enough to make me a slobbering mess... 

And I was basically a good kid... some would say boring... so I sure as spank don't want any spanking as an adult...

 

Source : Thanks Russell Peters... But as an Indian myself, I won't be taking your parenting advice... Because before I could beat them, I would probably start crying... I would feel guilty punishing them and sending them to their room... might slip them a doughnut... There's a reason why I guess I don't have kids...

 

 

Sometimes I really don't get all this love and pleasure thing.

But I'm not judging... Your life... Your bedroom... Your butt... Do what you want... I don't get it.. That's all...

P.S. I looked for a 50 shades gif to put here and yeah... I'm just glad my mom can't see my computer screen or know how to look at my search history... because I SAW things...

Also... How can people shoot scenes like that with someone else while being in a relationship with someone else... 

 

Nope!

 

My question is how can their significant other not be jealous?

My celebrity crush's love scenes are fairly chaste when compared to 50 shades and I'm jealous... I pout watching his love scenes... And I don't even want to think of what he does in his personal life with women... And I don't even know him in real life... just a crush... 

But this... watching your significant other shoot something like this, I will cry.. buckets... every day... I salute actors and their SOs... Tough life... But maybe they are more understanding and professional about it... and not weird like me... Sorry...

So anyway... No... Not fifty shades. 

When I say a man tied up, I'm talking about Derek Hale, and all his epic gorgeous perfection on Teen Wolf.

 

Dramatic faint...

Come on, keep it together, girls. I mean. I get it. I GET IT! Those biceps and abs. Also, it's Derek Hale and he can stare at us angrily and moodily with those mesmerizing eyes for as long as he wants... Piercing eyes that were made for glaring...

But let's just be cool about it. Ok? 

Sorry... I digress again...

Re-digress... 

I tend to do that a lot, don't I? What can I say, I'm weak when it comes to Tyler Hoechlin.

Actually when I think about it, it's not just not ever having had a crush on any boy I knew, I've never even had a full-blown celebrity crush growing up... There were no posters of hot celebrities on my wall. I really felt nothing. 

I've had a lot of guilty pleasures.... Celebrities I've stanned for a while... but nothing like a crush...   

The only celebrity crush you could say, I've ever had is Tyler Hoechlin... And even then... not really sure how long it's gonna last... I have commitment issues...     

Don't get me wrong. It would be nice to have a guy show interest in you. 

To go on dates and know romance. 

To be able to sing and dance under the moonlight. 

 

So, does this happen on dates? 

Because if it doesn't, then what's the point in dating?

 

Maybe it would be nice to get flowers from someone other than the people you share your genes with.

*(although my colleagues think it's really sweet that my siblings send me elaborate flower and chocolate bouquets for my Birthday, every Birthday actually, for the past few years, with a card that says, "To the best sister in the world"). 

Although it's not really true. I'm not much of a sister, but I have an awesome family and I sometimes forget that I'm the oldest in the family and I'm supposed to look out for them, not the other way around.

I realize maybe my family feels sorry for my lack of love life and don't want me to feel left out so they send me flowers... I wish I could tell them that I'm actually happy about my zero love life cause I really hate socializing.

Because I have found that love usually means pain and heartache.  

One true love... love of one's life... happily ever after... love of a lifetime... 

Maybe some part of me wish I could have those... The forget to breathe when he looks at you... 

A guy who likes being with you... Accepting you for who you are... Not being embarrassed by your quirkiness or weirdness but loving it... 

I know I'm not perfect... No one is... but as long as we can be perfect for each other... perfect together... 

Being each other's strength and support... Being not only good together and helping each other, but being there for others also... 

For me it's kindness... I go weak not when I see a hot body or good looks.... I go weak when I see a man doing good or being kind to others... 

I go weak not for the Superman and the power he holds... but the kindness he shows... 

Sometimes I think it would nice to be the penguin on the beach... Waddling together... 

Cause I always found the prospect of walking on the beach hand-in-hand so romantic... Just hadn't found anyone I would want to do the waddling with...

Someone as romantic as John Denver's Annie's Song... whose words in the song melt me... One of the most romantic songs I've heard...

Although I think I read somewhere that it's a pre break-up song... You see I even suck in identifying romance...

The moments that are the hardest remembering I'm single... is when I'm in low spirits or things are a little tough for me... Or I'm going through stuff... I end up keeping it all bottled inside... with no one to share how I feel or what I'm going through...

 

Yeah... Like poor Derek Hale... All alone...

All he needed was someone to hug him...

and tell him everything is going to be ok... 

 

Sometimes maybe I do think it would be nice to have my own special someone.... who would listen patiently to my troubles and offer me comfort and understanding instead of a lecture... and then hug me and tell me everything is going to be ok.... 

To not say negative things when I share my stories but be my positive inspiration... To encourage me and cheer me on... and celebrate my success...  

Just someone who is there for me... who won't judge me for being a horrible person but just care for me... 

So basically I need an app like Siri? Or an alien I guess like Clark Kent... 

 

Man, why do I find this simple scene... of this man... wearing white... and walking slowly towards the woman he loves... so appealing... 

Definitely wiped any other walking scene from my mind... 

 

One thing I do know though is that I would do the same for a significant other... when I'm not being cranky... 

Any luck if I do end up with a guy, he would just pretend he didn't hear me... Pretty sure my ears pretend not to hear me too... 

Anyway... my feelings are not as melodramatic as it sounds as I usually can bounce back... and don't really let my stress or feelings of despondency affect me much... Not letting my despair get the better of me... I'm my own therapist...

 

It's not like I'm looking for a guy, who would build me a hanging garden... the Babylonian Hanging Gardens... cause that's how much he loves me... 

I would settle for just a simple garden... A hash brown... Or a drink... 

Nothing says love, to me, than a man bringing you a drink... 

What can I say? I'm a girl with simple tastes... low maintenance...

I would think that if I do choose to be with someone... it would not be because of his wealth or his looks... but it would be for his kindness and love...

Someone who would laugh at all my stupid jokes... because me being me, the stupid jokes are aplenty... 

So instead of a facepalm, or worse, an eye-roll... I would be happy with a chuckle... heck I would settle for a half smile...  

So yeah... It would be nice to have someone prioritize you... To always make the effort to do things that will make you happy...

The kind of guy who would do multiple OTs to earn enough to take you out for a meal... 

Who would sell his baseball card collection because he loves you and wants to buy something nice for you with that money... Saying you mean more to him than baseball cards... 

Like Clark did on Superman and Lois... Romance at its best... 

Cause sacrifice is something I would do... Like I would sell things precious to me.... my collection of storybooks for example, for the person I love... 

There are many times I've actually sacrificed my savings for those I love... when they needed a little financial assistance... 

So it wouldn't be a stretch for me to do it for a significant other...  

 

Now this is love and romance... 

I always think of love and romance as sitting on a couch, comfortably and cosily... while reading a book with your significant other... I'm fine with him reading motivational soup books, or poetry, or inspiring autobiographies... 

I mean nobody's perfect... And he can read boring books if he wants to... I'll forgive him... Some people enjoy being bored for fun... 

While I sink my teeth eyes into a murder mystery or the classics... But the important thing is the reading together... 

 

This entire clip from the movie, Up, was pure romance to me, although I still can't watch it without sobbing... Romance at its most emotional...  

 

Or maybe reading the same book... and making a bet on who's the killer or how the book is going to end... 

Cause you know I'm going to win... I know my crime stories... I read and watch a lot of it... Like just by the reaction of the accused I know that guy was innocent... 

And I didn't need Stabler or Benson explaining why... I knew before their explanation on the why... 

I told my mom... That guy didn't do it... Just look at how's he's reacting... That's an innocent man appalled at the accusation... My mom yawned.... 

 

Probably what my mom was thinking too...

 

Being in a relationship is being with someone you can have disagreements and arguments over movie scenes with... Like he may think the Aragorn scene sucks and prefers the Frodo scenes more... 

Or he might even say, Bran is the right person for the Iron Throne and Jon Snow deserves to be banished and belongs in the wilderness... I may listen calmly to his reasoning... 

Like the movie, 12 Angry Men.... 

A lone man being able to convince a whole group of angry jurors, ready to mete out punishment, to change their views and see things his way.... 

So in awe of his oratory skills... I can't even convince my mom to rest... 

That 12 Angry Men movie made me feel for those selected to be members of a jury... Imagine what they must feel like to convict someone maybe even leading to their execution... And years later, due to new evidence, discovering that the accused was actually innocent, wrongly convicted...

On the side of the spectrum...There are shows like SVU... A person definitely guilty but acquitted due to lack of evidence... 

Tricky business this “beyond a reasonable doubt” thing...

 

Like till now I still can't tell if Loki is the good guy or the bad guy...

 

So anyway... a girl can be an understanding girlfriend and agree with her boyfriend's assertion as long as it can be proven beyond a reasonable doubt, 

but no way is this girl ever going to “compromise” (no matter how much people preach on compromise as being the most important thing in a relationship)... 

on her stand that Gandalf and the Riders of Rohan riding in to the rescue, or Aragorn, Legolas and Gimli, riding in with the Army of Dead, being pure cinematic pleasure...

So yeah being in a relationship could have its perks... And then I also think what if a man like that doesn't exist...

I know men only go for beauty... I watched Kuch Kuch Hota Hai like a million times... The guy only went for the girl when she beautified herself... 

Like she was the same woman... Your best friend... Now you suddenly want her just because she wears make-up... She was already beautiful before... with or without the sari and the make-up...

I've watched tons... Tons of movies growing up... Meet a hot guy... Spruce yourself up... and he wants you... He ain't looking at you when you don't wear make-up... 

So I guess since I don't wear make-up or even have a smidgen of beauty, no guy is going to drop his bag looking at me... 

He might drop it in disgust though... 🤷

I also realize I'm not like the women in movies and books... the rom-com darlings... who are loving and kind, sweet and wonderful... 

The one everyone loves...

Or the badass queens, who can crush people with their stare... or their dragons...

People look at me like I AM some kind of dragon... the weird kind... the scary kind... The wish-she-was-extinct kind... 

I'm like the heroine's source of pain and suffering... the annoying side character, that everyone wishes would leave the show... 

I'm no Columbo who is all bumbling in appearance but oh so smart in real life... 

Talking about Columbo... I have questions... Questions that came to me watching the show... 

What drives people to commit murder just to save themselves from being outed when they have done something wrong like embezzlement.. or to protect themselves from their company being sold... or to hold on to their wealth... 

So your company or your money is gone... Like life is tough, deal with it... Why kill?

Like accidentally killing someone, even though not acceptable, is at least understandable... 

 

What! I didn't say it was right...

 

Look, I wouldn't stick a knife in someone or knock them on the head with a heavy object... Wouldn't even slap or punch them... No matter what they do to me...

But I can understand the loss of temper.. 

I have said things in anger that I have instantly regretted, and spent the next few years thinking about... 

I wouldn't kill though... even in anger... I would like to think many of us wouldn't...

So I cannot understand those who can casually kill another person... Premeditated murder... To deliberately plan the murder, execute it while orchestrating an alibi for themselves... 

Then cold-bloodedly feigning ignorance, sometimes horror or shock... even sorrow... 

Everything that is clearly shown to us, on that show, Columbo... 

The best thing though, at the end, they are just a cigar way from being caught by him...

So anyway... Back to relationships... 

So yeah... It could be nice to have someone... but then I do hear stories of how stressful being in a relationship is like... 

A lot of cheating... and heartache... and worry... 

And I would rather not have to spend my days crying while listening to sad Johnny Tillotson's songs... all the Without You and Why do I love you so... as I think about the guy breaking my heart out there...

Because I also believe that true love only exists in fiction... 

Because from what I've seen and read online, men promise to stay true to you... 

Then leave you after 10 years, because they want to be with someone who looks good in a bikini...    

And you end up being the Emma Thompson whose husband bought a beautiful necklace for another woman.... While you cry in the bedroom... Then go and smile in front of your family, hiding the fact that the man you love just broke your heart...

 

Hmmmm Ok maybe some women have it worst...

 

I have seen husbands who like to put down their wives... Sometimes they think it's a joke... It's not.... Or it isn't to me... 

Most of the time, we are not looking for words of endearment or constant reassurance and praise... All we want is to be treated with respect... Or made to believe, that the person we love, and made the decision to share our life with... loves and respects us...  

All we want is a husband who looks at you with love and pride... not annoyance... 

Like how Clark Kent looks at Lois Lane...  

I don't get men who can be so polite and friendly to other people... especially women... Yet treat their own significant other, whether wife or girlfriend, with so much disregard... 

Talk sweetly to others... Yet so roughly to the person that is supposed to be their priority... 

Why can't they be extra special with the woman they are supposed to be in love with... 

Isn't that the reason you started dating in the first place? Because that person meant more to to you than all the other women in the world... 

So why now look at them in disdain... and a grumpy face... Instead of giving them the same beautiful smile you gave that complete stranger...

Oh well... Sorry for the rant.. Why I don't do love and romance... No guy is going to remain "in love" with me for long... 

I'll bore before him the first date ends... 

He won't say "You had me at hello"... 

He'll say, "You lost me at hello... Excuse me while I drink this wine to erase all memories of you"...    

Oh well... Nobody likes me... Not even a fly.. like a fly sometimes sees me and decides to land on someone else ... 

 

I'm serious! Why I hate flies... 

I guess I'm no Lois Lane.. 

So how can I expect to get a Clark Kent...

 

Anyway... I was watching Missy on the Young Sheldon the other day, and thought to myself... at least I never went through that stage... where I got angry with everyone cause my crush didn't feel the same way about me... The whole teenager in love stage... 

Having a daughter, who has never been in love or had a crush on anyone... till now and her sometimes-she's-ashamed-of-it-cause-he's-younger-than-her-celebrity-crush... has its perks... 

I never went through the stage of crying over a crush because he likes another girl... 

No staying in the bedroom... staring at the wall and sobbing... or screaming “I hate you” to my parents... 

I don't think I even went through the “I hate you” stage... Mine, when upset, is more the giving grunts as answers... or if I do open my mouth it will be monosyllabic answers... The no talking... The moping around... 

 

Actually I realize I still do that now... Like getting upset because the pizza I was heating in the oven, got burnt, and my mom ate it happily cause she loves everything burnt, and I stared at my burnt pizza.... and pouted... cause I really wanted pizza... 

Sorry Ma... But aren't you grateful that I never had boy problems? That the only thing I used to cry over is the fate of some of the characters in the books I read... 

Now sometimes I do feel sad thinking about my celebrity crush and his girlfriend... I may sit in my room and stare morosely at the wall... But at least I do it in secret... And usually get over it pretty quickly...  

 

So I'm glad I've never had to experience the pain of being in a relationship with someone... 

Loving him and having him fall out of love with me... or treat me wrong... cheat on me... I guess it will be unbearable...

I know I act all badass talking about my game of thrones revenge method... 

But who am I kidding. I would be the type of person who would just hug my teddy bear and cry myself to sleep.

Wait... I don't have a teddy bear... Hug my bolster and cry...   

Man... I just realized I can't even commit to a bolster. I haven't actually bought one. All I have is what you call a home-made bolster, which is basically my mom taking two pillows and putting them together in a bolster cover... My mom is MacGyver.  

I'm the type of girl, who gets jealous seeing photos of my celebrity crush with his girlfriends... 

I should get over it because hey, I don't know the guy... don't know what he's really like in real life as he's just a fantasy... not even sure if I might like the real-life him... so gazing sadly at those photos is.... lame? Insane?

So I cannot imagine actually being with someone in real-life then getting hurt by them... It would hurt and it's a pain I would rather do without...

Sorry... Sidetracked there a little...  

So do I want a kiss like the above? 

Heck yeah..  

But looking at the guys I do know in my life right now. 

Do I want them to run to me and kiss me like that?  

 

Like a colleague recently went on a holiday... and part of the tour was a farm that had the fish biting your leg thing... 

I said, "I'm ok with all parts of that tour but I would leave out that fish biting part"... I ain't letting no fish bite off my legs... 

She said it's not painful... It's not a bite... It's like a kiss... 

I'm like, seriously... I don't want no animal kissing me... I don't even want humans kissing me... Even cute kids... 

I feel for the kids who are forced to kiss the cheeks of humans they don't like... 

 

Exactly the look kids give... when the parents say, "kiss them goodbye"...

 

The sad look of "Please mummy, please don't make me kiss this scary aunty on her cheeks... The potholes on her cheeks may hurt me... I promise I won't ask for ice-cream anymore... I will donate all my toys... Please mummy "... 

The poor kids... 

I usually say, "It's ok" when the parents say, "Kiss that aunty goodbye"... and the parents give me the I-will-kill-you-woman look that says, "What you think my kids can't kiss your cheeks... You think you're a princess or something!"... 

And I'm usually scared enough to not want to get beaten up by the parents offering their kids' kiss and endure the kiss... 

 

 

Exactly how the kid viewed me too I guess... 

Like this Horde man... but with shorter hair...

 

There's a saying... Get a man who can change the light-bulb.... 

My 70-year-old mother changes the light-bulb on her own... without help... from anyone...

Who needs a man to change the light-bulb, when you can do it yourself...

So yeah I don't want any kissing... from humans, frog, fish, dog or critters...   

For me love and romance is making a trip to a bakery.... Now that's a date.. 

That's why I don't want to kiss frogs... What if the frog turns into a prince... 

I don't want any man even if he's dressed up as a prince...

I'm happy being single... Going on a date with Netflix won't hurt you in any way. 

It's also way more enjoyable. And since I would rather watch TV or read a book than talk with a guy... or actually just generally talk with people... the life I have now suits me well.. 

Because, who says you need Prince Charming to have your own happy ending.  

 

 P.S. 

I use the word "Awesome" a lot, don't I? 

Well. Blame it on Barney Stinson.

 

I also didn't really do a good job of reviewing Alias and the movie, Never Been Kissed, did I?

Sorry about that too.... And for that, I've no one else to blame but myself...