11) Post Christmas Blues; The Tale of Losing Weight, then Gaining Weight during Christmas, and then Trying to Lose the Weight again

This is the tale of my Christmas woes... When you're doing well on your weight loss journey... then Christmas happened, and there was food... so you eat... because you're happy... and you realize you have no self-control... and you have no time for your workout sessions because everyone's home and you want to spend time with them... and you talk a lot... and eat a lot because someone is always cooking something... and you gain back some of the weight you had lost... and you feel dejected... while realizing, you may be the oldest in the family, but act like the youngest... Oh.... Oh... then you ramble on about those old fairytales... 

I went from family love... to Christmas fun and weight gain... to ranting about fairytales... and why I'm no princess... and don't want to be a princess... Maybe my weirdness is due to an enchantment, spell, curse or something? Cause being me, sure ain't normal...

I was doing well on my weight loss journey. 

Lost about 8 to 10kg...

Which may not seem much, especially when compared to the amount I have left to lose, like at this rate, I would probably reach my ideal weight, when I'm 90? Or dead... whichever comes first... But it still gives me a sense of pride... Losing even that little weight. 

But then Christmas came... 

Everyone was home... We talked.... We sang...

Ok. Correction. My family and friends sang. 

I opened my mouth and closed it... and murmured words...  

Maybe even wiggled a shoulder... or two...

 

It was like soft singing... you know the kind of sound waves that only dogs can hear.

Probably why the cats and dogs around my neighborhood have been sending me death threats... 

and cease and desist notices.  

Fineeeee... I will cease my singing and dancing... 

Tough crowd of cats and dogs I have here in my neighborhood. 

The moment I start my singing, they're like, 

"Don't quit your day job ", 

"You make angels cry", 

"I'd rather choke on my hairball", 

"You make us want to bite our tails", 

blah blah blah.  

I get it. I get it. I suck at singing, you bunch of Simon Cowell wannabes.

So I didn't sing... even though I love Christmas carols...

Cause I'm the type of person who is willing to make sacrifices for the stray animals in her neighborhood... I'm understanding like that. 

7) My Weight Loss Journey Begins

This is the tale of my weight issues and my sudden realization that I need to do something about it. 

So like a member of the Night's Watch, I pledge my life and honor to my weight loss goals... for this day and all the days to come because "fat night gathers"... and now my weight loss journey begins and it "shall not end until my death".... because writing cheesy blog posts is apparently becoming my thing... Also I really hope I don't die now... 'cause there are so many people out there I haven't annoyed yet...

I share my workout struggles... getting injured while working out... the torture of resisting the temptation of my guilty pleasures; sexy, sinful food, and Tyler Hoechlin... but mostly it's just food, especially those with cheese... I'm like Bruce Wayne about to begin his journey to becoming Batman... or so I would like to imagine.... I really enjoyed Batman Begins...

So if I'm like Batman now.... am I also rich like Bruce Wayne?

  

Wait... No??? 

Bummer!

or I should say - Bale-er.... 

Get it? 😀 

Editor : If this cheesy start to the blog post is any indication, it's not going to get any better, is it?...

Me : Gee thanks, Editor... Why do you like to pick on me? 

 

Yes... The "Editor" and "Me" are the same...

What can I say... I have issues...

 

Or just plain weird... The crazy girl who lets the theme song to The Office play instead of clicking the "Skip intro" button that has been generously provided for you... 

Like I can just imagine my neighbours going, "what the Dunder" hearing that same music every 30 minutes... for like a few hours (especially if it's a Friday night and I'm back home from work... and ready to relax into the weekend by binge-watching shows)... 

Editor : Loser category - Social Life: Zero, Nobody’s Hero, Netflix and Chips, Solo Weirdo.

Hey... At least I'm not weird... let's just say special... like Zoey, where I can hear people's innermost thoughts through song like in the Zoey's Extraordinary Playlist series...

 

Yup... Zoey is the Wolverine Idol... 

Now she needs the Charles Xavier’s School of Rock.

 

Like I would love to have her mutant powers... Not because I want to hear people's thoughts... 

Because it's me... Nobody is going to be singing about how they are a sucker for me... or would walk 500 miles for me... 

No sexy songs... or happy songs... or I love you songs... 

 

Yup... definitely not getting a song like this... 

 

For me, it would be dreary songs about how much they hate me... Like the "wish she would go back to her planet... She's so weird... The "You are so vain, you probably think this song is abou you" kind of songs... 

So thank you very much... I don't want to hear your thoughts about me... 

What I would have liked though... if I did inherit Zoey's X-Chord mutant powers... is to watch all those people randomly breaking out in song and dance... 

And yes, this is my "I maybe am not totally averse to musicals" confession...

See... so much fun...   

Anyway.... Back to my rambling tale of my weight loss exploits. 

So the other day, I read about my current guilty pleasure's adventurous life... 

Like going hiking, surfing, JetSurfing, dirt-bike riding, and doing all these badass stuff.

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Tyler Hoechlin (@tylerhoechlin)

 

Man.. How can he look so sexy doing everyday stuff, without make-up, tv lighting and effects.   

Wait... Is JetSurfing a word???? I know Jetsurf is like a noun or something... But not really sure if I can add the gerund (-ing) to it...  

Who knows... Grammar isn't really my thing... Come to think of it.. Talking isn't either.. or writing.. or anything.. 

Nothing is my thing.. unless you count eating.. now that I can do... If there was a test in eating.. I would probably ace it!

But.. hey... words get added into the Lexicon everyday.. so it could become a word, one day... I went jetsurfing.. Doesn't that sound so impressive? 

Like I'm James Bond.... I went James Bonding....

Also... I feel really cool using the word Lexicon.

And yes. I Googled Lexicon... and gerund.... and pretty sure James Bonding will mean doing something salacious and improper...   

  

Who??? Meeee??? Yeahhhhh!!! All the time...

So anyway... With my guilty pleasure, Tyler Hoechlin, as my inspiration, I thought to myself, gee, I want to be adventurous too. To be all Batman and stuff. 

To be the type of person who is constantly living on the edge.... 

Who can throw people across the room while whispering, in a tone meant to be menacing but was sexy instead, "So am I"... and telling kids to go back to school...  

Nope... Not Batman... Like Derek Hale.

  

Isn't Tyler Hoechlin so cool and sexy... Sigh... 

 

So yes... Me too want to Hale... 

So I set out to do something I'm not comfortable with and makes me quake with fear.

Literally shivers down my spine. And not the good kind of shivers, which are the naughty kind. Like the ones you get from licking chocolate off your fingers. 

Nope. This is the bad kind of shivers. The scary kind.

I decided to calculate my BMI. 

Cause nothing says terror than calculating your BMI.

Whaaattt!!! Why the disgusted sigh, Tyler? 

Hey.... It's scary for me... Me weighing myself... usually when I'm forced to, during medical tests... worst when it's in public... surrounded by people I know... is as scary as whitewalkers... 

Because I'm quite sure I would pass out even if I see them from afar... They in all their pale-ness... 

Me... Bam!

 

I mean scary as before Season 8.... Cause from Season 8 onwards, their “scary” attributes somewhat diminished... Like when that wall came down at the end of season 7 of Game of Thrones, I feared for my life... 

I mean the life of those on Middle Earth... Wait... What earth was theirs? Westeros! Sorry forgot.. Had to Google.. 

So anyway... that was scary.. I was like, "oh no... oh no... what are we going to do"...

 

Yeah my reaction exactly... 

 

My mom did watch my reaction... nonchalantly... but hey, a girl's got to react... what a girl's got to react... Yeah, I don't know what this means... I love to come up with weird wordplay... 

So anyway... that was scary... I watched in horror... but at the end, it turned out to be not so scary... 

They came in all their whitewalker-ness... Growled... 

Ok maybe they didn't growl... I was thinking of Derek Hale again...  

 

See whitewalkers... This is how you do it...

 

Anyway... The whitewalkers came... 

They watched... They stared... 

Then they got stabbed... End of story... 

That was fun, noh? 

 

My reaction too... expecting more...

 

Anyway... Tyler probably gets excited to weigh himself everyday... 

His BMI probably sends him love letters... makes googly-eyes at him... and says it wants to make babies with him... 

That seems to be kinda Tyler's thing... Getting women pregnant without doing anything himself... Without even meeting them...  

Can't begin to tell you the many comments on his fan accounts I have read about fans getting pregnant from looking at him. 

Seriously! I see so many comments of “Boom! I'm pregnant!” on anything they post on him, whether it's his photos or his videos. 

While I'm at a loss to understand how that's even possible? 

I know he's shirtless and all... but how can it be possible... from just a photo or a gif... 

I know I'm not smart or anything... But I studied Biology in school... and I remember that's not how it works... 

Like I know I'm no expert in this, seriously zero knowledge in this whole baby-making thing people do... but have things really changed in the past 20 years from when I first studied Biology? 

Or did I get my Biology lesson wrong? 

Ok sorry, Mam... Too much information... 

Anyway, who knows how it works... I can't remember much of what I studied in school anyway cause it was like so long ago...

Pretty sure I spent most of my time in school, in a daze... A haze of perpetual boredom.. Waiting to go back home after school so I could get back to my story books... 

Actually I'm surprised I got out of school with my life intact... without my parents killing me.... for failing.

 

Gee thanks...

But for me. The person who has a fear of parties, and approach any social gatherings, like I'm about to be operated on.. while fully conscious... 

Which, trust me, going through surgery with local anesthesia (which means you'll be fully conscious but unable to feel pain.. or actually any sensation), is the definition of scary... 

For me. It has to be General Anesthesia. Always. 

I don't care if it's dangerous and I could die, if you're going to cut me open and stick things into me, I don't want to be awake. I want to be unconscious. 

Probably the reason why I've never wanted a boyfriend. Rule of thumb for me. Sticking things into me. Unconscious. 

Sorry, Barney Stinson? TMI is my middle name.

So yes. Checking my BMI is the scariest and most thrilling thing I've done. 

If you're categorized under the "normal weight" category, then it's all "I'm walking on sunshine" and you feel like skipping around the house, jumping on your bed, and screaming with joy. 

 

I guess it would be like that. I wouldn't know.  

Cause mine didn't say "normal weight". It didn't even say "overweight", which I would have been ok with. 

Mine was like a slap me in the face and "you better do something about your weight, b**ch!" kind of diagnosis.

2) I wish everything was as easy as getting fat

#NoPainNoGain This is the tale of my weight loss struggles and my attempt at dieting, and doing a good, long workout to get the weight down... There's sweat... There's pain... And there's daydreaming of Tyler Hoechlin... "You're such an inspiration", said no one to me ever. 

So after writing my previous blog posts complaining about my weight and being hurt by the things people say to me, I decided to take control of my life. 

I decided to start my weight loss journey today. 

I'm all geared up. No more whining. No more complaining. I'm all action. 

Here's to the start of the BRAND NEW ME! I'm going to do it. I know I can. Going to achieve my goal.

 

Day 1

Here goes! I'm so excited... I can't wait to start losing weight....

So I start with a nice workout on my stationary bike... a healthy breakfast of oats... a light lunch... then an after-work workout session... salad for dinner..

 

The next morning, I get on the scales.

OH BOY! OH BOY! 

I can't wait to see my new weight. 

I must have lost a ton of weight..

I GAINED 3 kilos!

1) The Tale of My Big, Fat, Boring Life

This is the tale of my big, fat, boring life... The constant struggle with people who say hurtful things that make me feel I am not really worth anything... and I wish I could just bite them... but then again they could be a little too stale for my taste... so I wrote this blog instead... to share my grievances... 

I realize I may be a little odd... Like who writes a blog post talking about biting people because they made fun of you... but not doing it NOT because people shouldn't go around biting other people... but because they may be stale... like their jokes... My jokes too are stale.. but I try not to overthink that too much...

 

Growing up, I was the kid in school... that was slightly "different"... who enjoyed books more than boys... wasn't into the latest boybands, which was the thing in the 90s... as I was more into the oldies my mom introduced me too... 

"You have to listen to this... it's really good"... was all she had to say...

And listen I did, being the dutiful daughter I am, and I'm saying this "dutiful daughter" thing not only with a grain of salt... or a pinch... it's more like the whole bottle of salt... 

But then as it tends to happen, I find that my mom is always right, and not only did I enjoy the oldies then, but now, years later, I still do... 

 

My mom was also the one who got me interested in books... Introducing me to authors like Georgette Heyer and her Regency tales filled with humor and swashbuckling fun...  

And Jack Higgins, whose books, are as manly a book as you can get, with tales of espionage and intrigue, with the magnetic Sean Dillon, former gun-for-hire IRA assassin, now gone good and an agent for the government... 

Probably why I've always been the woman who enjoys action movies more than rom-coms.

Especially action tales of guys being all macho and protecting those they love... 

I don't condone violence at all... but when a guy crushes another guy's hand because that guy hurt the woman he loves... Is it wrong if I find that sexy? 

What can I say.... I like protective men.... who look after you... And make you feel safe...  

I like men who look after women... Especially those in abusive relationships.... Making sure they're safe from being harmed by those who are supposed to love and protect them....

 

Ok maybe we shouldn't hurt people... but still... And I shouldn't enjoy this but that guy is just getting back what he did to that poor woman... 

But then again... I don't support guys who make a habit of punching out guys for no reason... 

Like it must be a really strong reason... 

Like a peaceful, smiling, waving Superman who growls when in protective mode...  

I am a very weird person, aren't I?

  

Like how can you not find this scene hot... 

Superman came so quick to save his wife...
I want Superman...

Sorry.... Went out of topic... 

Anyway while my friends were reading Sweet Valley High, I was reading Jack Higgins and Georgette Heyer... 

If there is a sure way how not to relate with your peers at school... is to be into stuff that none of them have heard of...    

That being said, I'm still grateful to my mom not only for everything in my life... but also for introducing me to books... and the music and films of her era... things she watched and listened to as a kid. 

Grateful for all the song and dance from the musicals she introduced me too... 

For Scarlet Pimpernel and his outward vapid, airy ways, but hiding such courage and intelligence within... The those days version of Clark Kent/Superman... 

For the haunting cries of “Champ... Champ” that traumatized me, leaving me a sobbing mess at the end of the movie... And watching it now years later, I realize I can still get all choked up...  

Trying not to judge but I don't get moms who abandon their kids... I wonder if the mother would have wanted the kid back if he was annoying and not cute...

Feeling like an outsider or that I did not belong, was already bad enough... but being overweight made it worst... with the constant mean things people have and still say to me... 

Making me feel worse than I already felt about myself... The taunts that people toss at me nonchalantly... The worry of receiving a cutting remark every time I eat in front of others... The casual fat jokes... 

The hardest thing in life is growing up as a fat kid... Even harder to be a fat adult. 

It got to the point, that I sometimes didn't want to leave the house and go anywhere... worried about what people were going to say to me... 

  

 

That being said, I realize I should be grateful... that even if things people said hurt... I do have a supportive family and a happy life... even a happy childhood... 

And thankful that I didn't need friends to play with growing up... That I had my books to keep me company... 

Books that still keep me company now as an adult...  

My colleagues excitedly wait for make-up and glamour tools to arrive in their mail... I wait for books... No better scent than the fresh pages of a new book... 

So I'm grateful for my love of books... because I know a happy childhood isn't always a given when you grow up different from the norm... 

Recently while coming home from work, I saw a kid... slightly overweight... standing at his bicycle... gazing sadly at a bunch of kids playing soccer or football as it's called here in Malaysia... 

The kids were happy and having fun... while this overweight kid watched them sadly from a distance away... I continued to watch him... getting all emotional... watching him leave after a while with his bicycle...

I thought of the kid the whole night... getting emotional a little as I told the story to my colleagues the next day.. I couldn't stop thinking about the kid... I felt his longing... The need to belong... or to be accepted... The pain of rejection...

Feelings I still get now as an adult... But as a kid, the feelings are just more intense... 

I'm not saying those kids rejected him... Maybe he was too shy to approach them as I would have at that age... The fear of rejection or being made fun of... Or maybe he has tried to play with them before and they didn't let him... excluded because of his weight... 

I don't know the reasons... All I know is I felt for the boy... Felt his loneliness... Wished I could have given him a hug... Or that I had a kid of my own, that I could encourage to go befriend this kid... All I could do was pray that he finds a friend soon to keep him company... or gets accepted into that group of kids...

Sometimes I wonder why is it so hard to be accepted when you just don't conform to the norm... Why can't people accept everyone no matter how they look... or how much they weigh...

 "Be Happy with the Way You Are".... "Love Yourself".... "Beauty is Skin Deep"...

Words meant to motivate and inspire... and make you feel good about yourself... I too say them to people all the time and mean it... 

But on the days when I'm feeling really down... I wonder if these words were written by beautiful people... because who else would say be happy with your looks but someone who does have good looks...

Especially on the days I think I look like a Sasquatch... Or made to feel I look like one... when you feel like you're not worth anything... I wish I could have someone say to me, "You're perfect in your imperfections... To me, you're perfectly imperfect"...

Then I realize it's stupid... So I wake myself up...

 

Yes Sasquatch... You're perfect... Don't ever let people tell you different...

 

 

Sometimes I wish I was one of those people, who turn heads because they're beautiful. 

I turn heads too when I walk by people... Not turn the head round like you see in the movie Exorcist, which I watched as a kid... that may or may not have scarred me for life... 

But when I walk past people... they do give me the same look of fear I had watching the Exorcist...

Cause people think of my butt as a weapon that can send people flying... Weapon of Mass Propulsion... 

So they make room for me to pass... to prevent me knocking them out cold if I were to accidentally bump into them...

Look... Oh ye of so much fear... My butt isn't that strong... This isn't going to happen to you... I'm not going to knock you out... or propel you across the room... 

So walk by me, with no fear, my hearties... 

Although... There was this one time... I was bending down to take food from the fridge (which is where my head could be found, on most days), and my butt accidentally knocked into my little cousin, and he went flying across the room... 

 

Nothing happened to him... He was ok... It's me who's not ok with the constant re-telling of this tale... by my very helpful, life-of-the-party, mom...

Probably where the legend of my butt and its people propelling powers came about.... 

So anyway... Butt attacks aside... 

Sometimes at moments when my life is a little more dreary than usual... When it's not a Michael Learns to Rock song... that is pleasant and heartwarming... but on the days that it's a heavy metal song that makes you want to scream... 

When people call you names... and casually insult you... wondering why you're not laughing at their jokes, which they think is brilliant...

It's on those days, that I wish I was born beautiful...  

The kind of beautiful where the air sizzles around you... Flowers bloom when you walk... Birds sing and fly around you, while they fetch you things.... 

When a Prince Superman falls in love with you... 

Awwww... Tyler Hoechlin... My favorite Superman... In my mind... when you fly... even birds come to watch... 

Who needs princes... when there's Tyler Hoechlin... or so it is to me... 

Sorry Tyler, who has the misfortune of being my first and only celebrity crush.... actually my first crush ever... 

I was fine not having a crush on anyone... Happy with my life, books, movies and songs... but then one day.... Tyler Hoechlin moved into my mind... just like that... and he hasn't moved out since... Now I'm stuck with him in my head...

So anyway... I'm pretty sure things are going to get worse for you, Tyler... so I apologize to you in advance... for all the embarrassing things I may write about you in this post and future posts... 

No No... My apology is sincere, Tyler... I'm always sincere in my apologies... 

Although I do have a problem saying a proper apology in person, face-to-face...  I mean I feel sorry but can't say the words... 

Maybe cause I'm like an awkward person... I feel more comfortable with text... Putting words down works for me... So I sometimes write my apologies... 

That makes me a horrible person, doesn't it? 

 

That isn't a look of encouragement or even acceptance of my crush on you, is it?

 

So anyway Tyler... I'm sorry for the misfortune of being my crush...  

Actually looking at the things that go on in my head sometimes... that I may or may not write about here on this blog of mine... perhaps I should also apologize to your parents... and your future spouse... 

My future spouse too, I guess... if I ever do fall in love which is probably never happening in the near future cause I'm still stuck at the “boys are made of frogs and snails, and puppy-dogs' tails” stage...  

Although to be honest, growing up, I did love to EAT everything made with “sugar and spice and everything nice”...