11) Post Christmas Blues; The Tale of Losing Weight, then Gaining Weight during Christmas, and then Trying to Lose the Weight again

This is the tale of my Christmas woes... When you're doing well on your weight loss journey... then Christmas happened, and there was food... so you eat... because you're happy... and you realize you have no self-control... and you have no time for your workout sessions because everyone's home and you want to spend time with them... and you talk a lot... and eat a lot because someone is always cooking something... and you gain back some of the weight you had lost... and you feel dejected... while realizing, you may be the oldest in the family, but act like the youngest... Oh.... Oh... then you ramble on about those old fairytales... 

I went from family love... to Christmas fun and weight gain... to ranting about fairytales... and why I'm no princess... and don't want to be a princess... Maybe my weirdness is due to an enchantment, spell, curse or something? Cause being me, sure ain't normal...

I was doing well on my weight loss journey. 

Lost about 8 to 10kg...

Which may not seem much, especially when compared to the amount I have left to lose, like at this rate, I would probably reach my ideal weight, when I'm 90? Or dead... whichever comes first... But it still gives me a sense of pride... Losing even that little weight. 

But then Christmas came... 

Everyone was home... We talked.... We sang...

Ok. Correction. My family and friends sang. 

I opened my mouth and closed it... and murmured words...  

Maybe even wiggled a shoulder... or two...

 

It was like soft singing... you know the kind of sound waves that only dogs can hear.

Probably why the cats and dogs around my neighborhood have been sending me death threats... 

and cease and desist notices.  

Fineeeee... I will cease my singing and dancing... 

Tough crowd of cats and dogs I have here in my neighborhood. 

The moment I start my singing, they're like, 

"Don't quit your day job ", 

"You make angels cry", 

"I'd rather choke on my hairball", 

"You make us want to bite our tails", 

blah blah blah.  

I get it. I get it. I suck at singing, you bunch of Simon Cowell wannabes.

So I didn't sing... even though I love Christmas carols...

Cause I'm the type of person who is willing to make sacrifices for the stray animals in her neighborhood... I'm understanding like that. 

10) Christmas Memories : The best kind of surprises

#ChristmasMemories With family, you get memories that can be treasured for life. This is a tale of a Christmas long, long ago and the pleasant surprise we received cause the best kind of surprises are ones that fill you with joy and leave you with everlasting memories.

So the family is all gathered for Christmas, but your youngest brother says he can only come home on Christmas day itself. At that time, almost 10 years ago, he was studying in college and couldn't come home earlier because he had classes the day before Christmas.

The best he could do is drive home on Christmas Eve night, reaching early Christmas morning.

In Malaysia, we don't get week-long holidays for Christmas. Schools are closed because it's their year-end break, and the new school year starts in January, but not colleges and universities. As a multi-racial country, we can't get long holidays for the many festivals of the various religions in our country. So it's just a one-day holiday for Christmas. 

It sucks and you feel sad because when one family member is not there, it's like the family is not complete... Like a part of you is missing... and it doesn't feel like Christmas till everyone is there. All members of your family. 

So we get ready for Christmas, while waiting for my brother to come on Christmas day... Missing him... 

Being the youngest, he's the baby of the family, the one my sis and I babysat and changed his diapers, which as good older sisters, we remind him all the time. The guy who goofs around and makes us laugh, but as the only son in the family, he's also the one we turn to when we need things done. So the loss is felt, when he's not around.   

But then three days before Christmas, you wake up at 3am to the sound of a car at your front gate... Your phone rings... and it's your brother! 

Who, found out that his professors had cancelled classes due to the holidays... so he decided to surprise us... drove all night, on a 1o-hour journey... all the way from the place he was studying... right after class... and be home for Christmas... three days before he said he could be... Surprise at its best!!!

Everyone woke up... excited... My parents... My sister... We probably woke up a few neighbors too with the noise we were making... 

Yeahhhh. Pretty sure our neighbors hate us. We're a noisy bunch. 

Then the words, “I've been driving the whole night, anything to eat, I'm so so hungry” came out of my brother's mouth. 

And my mom was like, “hold my beer”... 

Ok my mom doesn't drink but you get the picture. 

It's like my brother said the magic words that every mom (I think they do) want to hear, “whatcha cooking momma”... 

And when it comes to Indian moms, like mine for example, her son says "hungry" and she goes into full-on kitchen goddess, warrior princess mode, ready to whip up a delicious meal within seconds.   

So it didn't matter that it was 4am. 

We all sat down to a very early breakfast and a very long chat.

8) Yuletide Joy; I Love Christmas

This is my rambling Christmas tale... I love Christmas. I love everything about the season; the timeless tunes, the food, the weather, the corny movies... I ramble on quite a bit about all the things I love about Christmas... I go off-topic quite a lot... as usual... Sorry... I ate too much cookies and maybe drank the rum that my mom was keeping for the fruit cake... I'm old as fudge cake, but I think my mom just grounded me... 

I guess there's a cut-off age to being grounded but am I going to tell my mom that... Probably not... Pretty sure there's an unwritten rule out there somewhere... that under no circumstances... should thou ire thou maman during the Christmas season... unless thou fancy missing the bountiful repast thou maman will prepare... 

For me, missing out on the cooking my mom does so well especially during Christmas... is as horrifying as finding out Santa isn't real... which I did when I was like 8? No... last year... All those letters to Santa... gone to waste...

 

Heard this on a show I was watching... A Christmas tune that's just like me... Slightly crooked... A little off-center...

 

I love Decembers.... For with it comes Christmas; the season I love the most. 

The time for Christmas food, Christmas songs, and Christmas cheer... 

As you look forward with anticipation to the huge gathering of family and friends that come this time of year.... and the food... Let's not forget the food... 

The weather in Malaysia, during this time, or what my mom calls, the Christmas weather, is perfect... We don't have snow but there's a slight, cold breeze that plays with your hair and makes you feel all warm and gooey inside... 

Maybe it's the season... but it does seem like the perfect time for feeling all warm and gooey...

In Malaysia, it's the monsoon season, from November to March... A time for thunderstorms and non-stop rain... when all my senses are activated... 

It's usually quite cold, compared to the warmer climate we're accustomed to... but then again... as the great Queen once said... "the cold has never bothered me anyway".

Sorry... It's Christmas, the time for cheesy lines, potatoes, meatballs and pies... 

More coming your way...   

 

Thanks for the enthusiasm...

 

Christmas in Malaysia....

👀 A time for watching the gathering storm, the dark, puffy clouds and stormy skies,

👂 listening to the sound of thunder in the distance and the falling rain,

👃 and the earthy scent that comes from a heavy downpour. 

👄 The activation of my sense of taste; enjoying the rain with some comfort food.

P.S. Fooled you, did I with that lips emoji? Trust me, I ain't kissing no fella under the mistletoe... like that mommy who kissed Santa Claus under the mistletoe, and traumatized her child, who would probably need therapy... 

The poor kid... 

P.S. Fun Story. My mom told us... that when my father, my very conservative, traditional Indian father, first heard the song, 'I saw mommy kissing Santa Claus', he was scandalized.

Until my mom patiently and gently explained to him that the "mommy" WASN'T actually cheating on her husband, and that Santa was actually her husband in disguise... 😀

 

Probably my father's reaction hearing that song...

 

My poor father... I'm just glad my mom cleared my dad's outrage... Wouldn't want him to wrongly think the worst of some random woman in a song now, would we?...  

It's like Lois Lane... Imagine the many people who have wrongly judged her because they saw her hugging or kissing Superman... 

"Look at Lois, cheating on her poor, innocent, dorky husband, Clark... Tsk... Tsk.... I get that he's Superman... But Clark will be devastated when he finds out.." 

Sorry...

I was thinking how a perfect day for me would be sitting by the window, watching the pouring rain with a good book in my hand and a mug of coffee and a slice of Christmas cake by my side.... Coffee blended with whipped cream on top would make it even more perfect... with a dash of rum... 

And I remembered Tyler Hoechlin and the photoshoot of him gorgeously sitting by the window... 

Oh well... It's Christmas... A time for daydreams and fantasies... of Santa and Angels granting wishes... and this brooding man in my dreams...       

Sorry... I sometimes forget I'm in my 40s... and not a kid anymore...

Although I do wish I was a kid again so I could be out there playing in the rain... a little dancing and singing in the rain...

I mean I could dance in the rain now. My neighbors already think I'm nuts so a little dancing in the rain is not going to make a difference. 

Come to think of it, I think I did this step while walking into the house one day. 

Oh my poor mom... The things she has to endure having me for a daughter...

I think I've embarrassed my mom enough as it is, so I'll refrain from dancing in the rain... Cause it's Christmas and I'm feeling generous.

Also... I really suck at dancing... My dancing is so bad, I look like I'm trying to choke myself... Or that I need to pee.. 

I know that I'm an Indian and should be genetically predisposed to dancing... Like haven't you seen all those Bollywood movies... every Indian has those killer dance moves. 

I'm the odd one out... Like my DNA is missing those dancing cells... I'm no Hrithik Roshan for sure... who not only looks good... but has the moves too... the dancing moves... 

So no putting on my dancing shoes and dancing my blues away...

Staring at the falling rain is what I do best. 

Anyway... Christmas!

I love Christmas and everything that goes with it. Some may call it a money-making scam, robbing you of everything you own and your sanity, but I don't. 

I love the season. I always have... And I love buying things for my loved ones.

I love the feelings that come from Christmas. I love the corny Christmas movies. I love planning the Christmas menu with my family. I love getting out the Christmas decorations and seeing the house all decorated. 

Of course usually all my Christmas ideas and suggestions are rejected... 

My job is to hand the tape... and climb the ladder and bring the Christmas decorations box down... or stick things on high walls...

 

Exactly the reaction I get too when I give my ideas...

 

I love the smell of baking that fills the house when I come home from work, thanks to my mom and her awesome baking skills. 

Nothing like the torture of the scent of your mom's wonderful cooking coming from the kitchen, while you wait for the food to be ready.

I love going to church and singing Christmas hymns.

Most of all, I love being at home, exchanging presents, surrounded by family, extended family and close friends, as we celebrate Christmas together. 

I LOVE CHRISTMAS!

It's the most wonderful time of the year!

Sometimes I wish I could afford to take just the whole month off.. The entire month of December... so I could enjoy the season and all its glories... To bake and cook for my loved ones... To work on the presents... To get the house ready... To just bask in the season...

I love Christmas Tunes!

December comes and it's time to dust out those timeless Christmas tunes. To open that playlist titled “Christmas” that stays silent until December... 

Maybe it's the cool breeze in the air, or the sweet scent of baking, or the Christmas decorations... December is the month for warmth and yuletide joy.. 

I mean you could listen to Christmas tunes in May. Ain't nobody stopping you. 

And I have been that girl, who listened to Christmas tunes in July and felt like such a badass... Like cool Jason Statham in the Transporter series. 

 

Man... How hot is Jason Statham...

 

But December is when you feeeeeel these Christmas tunes.  

I enjoy going to church and hearing these songs... I'm like the weird person who excitedly waits to see what hymns they're going to sing... then do a fist pump when it's a song I like and enjoy singing... while my mom winces at my childish behavior then maybe pretends to not be related to me (in her mind) when I sing loudly... in my cats could scream voice... occasionally out of tune... but definitely with passion...  

Weird looks and stares from the congregation is a given though.... when I massacre the songs (their words not mine)... by singing them according to the melody a singer has made his or her own... instead of the traditional version. 

If they could talk in church, they would probably say, “That's not how it's sung, dear”. 

Oh really... but that is how Cliff Richard sings “O Little Town”. 

 

People's reaction to my singing too...

 

Yeah. I'm the girl, the church choir hates, for ruining their perfect rendition with my awful, cats can kill themselves, frogs hate me, voice.  

Pretty sure I sang to a cat once and the cat slapped me... True Story... 

But when I hear songs like "Shine Jesus Shine" and “Shout to the Lord”, which are my favorite Christian songs, suddenly sung in church, I can't help but sing the song loudly... 

It's a song that calls for passionate singing even if I sound like a broken kettle, and the low parts of the song can kill flies when I sing it. 

 

How I kill flies with my voice... 

 

I'm sorry, church choir people, I can't help it. I love singing these hymns, so I continue to be the weird girl in church, who sings loudly, off-key, in her horrendous voice... because it's church and they can't have any murderous intent towards me... and my mom can't be embarrassed by me.... 

I mean she could and she probably is... but she would feel guilty for feeling that way.... as it's church and you are supposed to only have good thoughts... 

And not think how cute Tyler Hoechlin looked in the Instagram posts his fans have been sharing... wait... did I just say that out loud...

Note to self : Don't look at Insta while waiting for your mom to get ready for church.. 

Because that smile... or those mesmerizing hazel green eyes and brooding look is gonna haunt you...

 hmmmmmm where was I??? 

 

Yeah.. Although I feel guilty for my mind wandering elsewhere... 

And I scold myself for being a bad person...

But when it comes to Tyler Hoechlin, it's like all the "angels got together to sprinkle moondust in his hair.. and starlight in his eyes of sparkling green".

  

Sorry... Where was I? 

So I guess I'm perpetually on Santa's naughty list... probably why I've never gotten any gifts from Santa... 

I thought it's because he's from the North Pole, and he can't take our hot Asian weather? 

But it's not him... It's me, isn't it?

Touche! 

The copious amount of fruit cake I consumed is really working its magic, huh?

My conscience to me : Yeah right, blame it on the rum. 

6) Ghastly Greetings; My Rambling Halloween Tale

This is my rambling Halloween tale, where I prattle on about my complicated relationship with chocolates... and about kids being scared of me cause they think I'm a scary Halloween character... and maybe I am cause who knows what I look like nowadays; I have a feud with my mirror... I also ramble on quite a bit about Tyler Hoechlin, Game of Thrones, and passionately defend Derek Hale and his growling ways... Not really sure why I talk about them in a Halloween post... Something to do with wolves... werewolves... abs... yeahhhhh I don't really know... I ramble on and go off topic quite a lot in this post... Sugar high... Also, I may be a little weird... #whenUeat2muchChocolate

  

 "Every day is Halloween, isn't it? 

For some of us"

~ Tim Burton

Halloween is not really a big deal here in my Asian country... 

We don't have any Halloween parties... or "Trick or Treat"... or dressing up in costumes... I mean we do have parties where people dress up... but we call it fancy dress parties...

A few years ago, my company's annual dinner's theme was a Halloween like party... We had princes, princesses and witches... 

I wasn't trying to be anything... I just wore a long dress... Which I thought would be enough...

But apparently no... Because my sister, makes the trip back home so she could “get me ready” for the dinner which translates to "forcing me to wear make-up"... 

So being scared of my younger sister... I reluctantly sat... occasionally pouting... as my sister put all kinds of things on my face... and made me wear jewellery and stuff... 

While my younger brother also came down to support me, whistling and telling me that I looked good... 

He lied... I looked like an orc... An orc with make-up...  

And when I went to the annual dinner, 

in my sister's attempt to turn me into a princess,

and my brother's attempt to convince me that I looked like a princess,

my colleagues thought I was aiming for "clown in a dress"... 

 

 My reaction too when no one thought I looked good...

Hmmm... Maybe I should have gone as an orc instead... 

Oh well, when orcs try to play dress-up... 

I guess I don't just look like ONE scary monster... but like multiple scary monsters all rolled into one...  

I'm like an ogre on a see-the-dentist day... 

Like my entire family... Parents.. Siblings... are great.... I'm like the weed among a family of roses... The one with faulty genes... The rotten potato...

A zombie... And not the cute warm bodies kind... but the ugly Harry Potter Troll kind... especially when I'm hungry... or exhausted...

Sometimes I wonder if I had a sorting hat for life... would I even make it into Hufflepuff... I ain't no Neville, whose courage earned him a spot in Gryffindor...

When you attempt to look like Anna from Frozen... but end up being Annabelle instead... 

Ok Ok.... Sorry....  Don't mean to hate on orcs... or my looks... Or Annabelle...

I actually don't mind my looks but grateful to be blessed with a family, who have always been there for me... 

During the good times and the bad, I can always count on them...

Ok my Toretto moment over.... 

Back to Halloween...

So no Halloween parties or Trick or Treat, but we do have our fair share of spooky tales... 

Recently I read this story... of a few towns here in Malaysia, being terrorized by knocks on the door... in the dead of the night... 

Really loud knocks... yet nothing visible showing up on the CCTV.... 

Creepy much! Just typing about it here is already making my hairs stand on end... 

Sorry Casper, I don't think the thing-that-knocks wants to be your friend...

 

We don't have friendly neighbourhood ghosts like Casper... but we do have unique scary creatures like the toyol and orang minyak... 

Literal translation is oil man – naked man, covered in oil, who practices some kind of black magic and goes after virgins for strength, power or something... 

I don't really know the whys... I heard that they go after virgins and I fainted... 

Which is why when there's a case of orang minyak in the kampung (rural town), the young, unmarried women of the household won't be allowed out alone especially at night...

Sometimes I wonder if these old wives' tales were to encourage women in the days of old... a time when a woman being single was considered a crime... to get married quickly...

I'm sorry, old wives... 

Man of oil, or not... I ain't getting married... 

 

Although my colleague does insist these are not just myths... 

That she once experienced being terrorized by an orang minyak in her village town... 

That they would find footsteps of black oil appearing but no visible figure... and it took a band of 20, 30 men to finally catch the orang minyak... after weeks of hunting him down... 

 

Everyone was engrossed in her tale of the daring capture... but all I could think of was the Winchesters... For me, this is how the hunting of that orang minyak went: a punch or two... the Impala... a bit of magic from Jack and Cas... wisecracks from Dean... and an exasperated eye-roll from Sam... and the minyak man no more... gone for good... Winchester-fyed...  

 

Other than the orang minyak, we also have Pontianak (our equivalent of vampires)...

Pocongs (our equivalent of zombies)... I think... Man.. I don't know... My spooky knowledge is kinda low...

Recently I found out about the penangal... It's a nocturnal creature.... a vampire-like entity.... that takes the form of a floating disembodied woman's head...

Excuse me the Western World, you can try to sleepy hollow me with your headless horseman... But ours, is way more thrilling... 

Yours was just a man and a horse... 

Ours is not just the floating head... but its organs and entrails trailing from its neck... 

"Do your feel scared yet? Well, do ya, punk?"... 

Be afraid... Be very afraid... 

When seen from afar... (and I have seen those videos that I wish I didn’t because now I get scared by any light)... it usually twinkles... and not like the little star in the sky... that is cute and puts kids to sleep because they are wondering “who you are”, O' Twinkle Star... 

This twinkle is like a ball of flame... (and no... not great balls of fire... there's no Jerry Lewis involved)... and is similar to the will-o'-the-wisp phenomenon....

It is believed that this creature is actually a living woman by day... and with the use of black magic for various reasons, whether beauty, money or fame... detaches her head and organs from her body... and her entrails trail behind her as she flies through the air searching for blood.... 

They normally feed on rats... or for those more dubious, the blood of pregnant women and infants... 

If being beautiful means removing your head and feeding on rodents... I would happily remain ugly...

Maybe one day I'll write about the supernatural tales from our Malaysian shores... 

 

He seems excited...

Another aspect of Halloween that I would have loved are the sweet treats... Especially chocolate... 

Cause I'm like the crazy person who thinks chocolates and I are in a committed relationship... 

The "I don't care who you are... where you're from... what you did... as long as you love me" kind of love...

 

Hopefully not the Derek Shepherd and Meredith Grey heartbreaking kind of love... that they thought giving us a beach scene would make up for robbing us of MerDer forever... 

Like shame on you, Grey's Anatomy... How do you expect a person to go on without the love of their life...  

P.S. Update: I guess Nick is pretty cool too... 

 

Sorry Derek... 

 

I do like the happy ending kind of love... The Rick Astley kind of love... where they live on together forever and never to part in fiction land... 

Like Roarke and Eve Dallas (from the JD Robb book series)

 Like Tristan and Yvaine.

 Like Westley and Buttercup (although I was slightly disappointed that she was about to marry someone else)... 

 Like Damon and Elena (I didn't watch the final few seasons of this series... so not sure if they ended up together... but although I thought Stefan was great... My sister and I were always Team Damon)...

 Like Superman and Lois.

 Like Clark Kent and his glasses.

Cause Tyler Hoechlin wearing glasses is like... chocolate-covered cherries... Delicious!  

Cause come on... How can anything covered in chocolate be anything but delicious. 

Not that I'm thinking of Tyler Hoechlin covered in chocolate.

It's not like I'm a freak or anything.

 

Ok Sorry, Tyler... Eating too much chocolate tends to do this to me... 

When you're drunk on too much chocolate but don't have an ex-boyfriend to drunk-dial... you tend to write a lot of embarrassing things like this... in your blog... about your celebrity crush... which should make it weird... but... but... 

Ok... I can't think of a but... 

And since I DID eat a lot of chocolate, there would probably be more of these embarrassing declarations... so hang in there?

 

Oh man... Tyler doesn't seem excited about my giddy ramblings, does he?

Oh well... A girl will try to be less rambly...

     

Man... I'm so corny...

 

Yeah... That too...  

 

So anyway, pretty sure "Trick or Treat" won't work for me, because those candy bars and chocolates are going to magically hop into my mouth

(because that's where they belong... in my mouth)... 

and take a magical ride down my throat, before the kids come tricking and treating.

Like the other day—I was looking in the fridge for the bar of Cadbury chocolate... I thought I was smart enough to hide from myself...

(I hid it under the box of grapes as subterfuge... and maybe to encourage me to choose the grapes instead of the chocolate because I also love grapes... 

Source : Jiemin Yang

Ok.. maybe my mouth is constantly lonely and needs to have things in it... 

It's like my mouth needs a workout too)... 

so that I could prevent the temptation of being enticed by those sexy mounds of pure bliss... Cause I'm serious about this losing weight thing.

But I tell you, chocolates have a thing for me, cause I could swear I heard it whispering my name seductively from the fridge. Something along the lines of, "Come my lady, come-come my lady / You're my butterfly, sugar baby". 

I tried telling the chocolates, that I don't find that song sexy or seductive... cause pretty sure that song has some impolite innuendos.... that I maybe may not understand because I'm like a prude... 

But anyway, song aside, the chocolate bar smiled at me. And winked. And showed me its abs.   

So I caved... My attempt at subterfuge unsuccessful...

Like... It's chocolates... and abs... And I'm weak... 

Also weird...