Anyway... My mom, the poetry writing, bible studies teacher... other than being really sweet... is also seriously badass...
She's like The Rock before he became Dwayne Johnson and started doing comedies and wearing a tutu.
Hey... "Tutu" all you want, Dwayne Johnson... Not judging your fashion style... I still think you rock... Get it... "rock"... It's a pun... on your name.
Whattt... Can't a girl pun for fun? Not cool?
Sorry... Please don't Hobbs on me like I'm Shaw....
Just trying to be punny...
Man... When you try to be funny with your punny jokes...
P.S. Dear Readers of my Blog (which could amount to 0, but hopefully there's at least 1) : Sometimes I write some crazy things in my attempt to write a humorous blog... Please ignore me... I'm a little bit loopy...
Anyway... Dwayne Johnson... You're still one of my favorite brawny guy that I don't have a crush on. And my favorite Fast & Furious franchise person. Ok. Maybe not the most favorite. I also like Paul Walker. And Jason Statham. I watched Hobbs & Shaw 5 times because I like you both.
If it had Tyler Hoechlin in it too, I probably would have hugged my TV.
I mean, I hug my TV now too when a new episode of Superman & Lois airs and I see Clark Kent on the screen.
Yes, you Tyler Hoechlin, of the many million wondrous smiles...
But seeing Dwayne Johnson, Statham and Hoechlin (in his Derek Hale mode) in one movie... Where they fight people, insult each other, and not smile... Man... I would not only hug my TV, I would... Ok... not really sure where I was going with that...
Anyway... I would be excited... The kind of excited that would keep me up for days... The kind of
excitement you get when you discover curly fries on the menu.
I would be like drunk... but without booze.... which, if I think about it, is how I am on most days...
Come to think of it, this is exactly my face and reaction when I see Tyler Hoechlin on TV.... or when I see photos and gifs of him on social media... or just generally when I think of him...
So doing that face... suddenly... without reason... or context... can I really blame people for thinking I'm drunk...
hmmmmm... I
wonder what it would be like if I was fully drunk..... It's not like I don't
drink... But I drink two shots of whisky and I get tired and go to bed.
Yeah... I'm doing it again, aren't I?
Rambling on like a fool...
Where was I? Ohhhh my mom...
She sacrificed so much to give us a good life, and it doesn't matter how old we are, or that my younger siblings are married, she still continues to look out for us and worry about us.
She is also a slayer of many jobs... handling any job and any role.
She was and still is a good
teacher. She's our handyman. Our plumber. She once painted an entire
room all by herself, while I was at work. Moving around the big heavy cupboards, desks, cabinets, and bed, while doing the painting... And you may think. That ain't too bad... Yeah... This painting thing happened last year, when she was 68.
She taught us that
it's never too late and that we're never too old to want to achieve
things. That as long as we have the willpower, we will have the
strength to do anything.
My
mom probably got her Xena,
Warrior Princess-like ways
from
her mom, my grandmother... another badass, who has done the real-life
"Home Alone" thing by fighting off robbers, trying to break
into her house, with hot water and aerosol spray, has wrestled with
snakes... even cobras...
“Supergran”
was actually the nickname we gave our grandmother once upon a
time... Which was a quirky 80s show, that my sister and I used to watch as kids...
My grandmother loved that nickname, happy to live up to it, whenever she
could.
hmmmm maybe one day I will write the tale of my grandmother's badass exploits.
Gee... Thanks, Mr. almost same name as mine....
Please contain your
excitement...
You might hurt yourself...
Anyway, just like Supergran, my mom, if given the chance, and even without the powers, and we weren't there to nag her to rest more, she would probably renovate our entire house...
My mom's motto is, "rest is for the weak"...
When people tell her, "Have a good rest"... She's like, what is that word you're speaking... R.E.S.T? How do you do this thing called
“REST”... Computer can't compute...
She gets annoyed when my siblings
and I nag her to rest more... not do anything heavy... climb ladders
when we're not around... saying that she would be ok...
Casually
forgetting that once, as she was doing some of her usual renovation work around the house, accidentally super-glued her two fingers together...
The exact glowering look on my mom's face when she's forced to rest...
The
other day, my mom had to undergo a slight procedure... A biopsy... We come home from the hospital, and next thing I
know, she's getting ready to cook...
I told her, “No, Ma. Go and
rest, I can do the cooking today” and she gave me the look that
said, “Not only do I have to go through the pain of this procedure,
now I have to endure your cooking too?”...
So at the look of horror on her face at the mention of
me cooking, I said “I'll order in”...
Then she said, “The
doctor didn't say, I can't cook”...
I tell her as kindly as I could, "Ma, she said, 'Rest for a few
days' which encompasses all work including cooking"...
I tell
you, my mom seriously doesn't know the meaning of REST...
Like if a Terminator was hunting us down, my mom would so be Sarah Connor...
My mom actually is Sarah Connor sometimes at home... Like when I
go to the bathroom to take a shower... and see a lizard, bee or
cockroach...
I run out screaming... clutching my towel for dear life... and my mom goes to rescue me from
that pesky bug... armed with an aerosol can and a pot of hot water...
while I barricade myself in my room to protect myself... from the
“bug-y” intruder... and leave my almost 70 mom to do the
rescuing...
So yeah I'm not some badass woman, who burns the guy who just sold her an army... Cause I don't have any dragons... And if I did, I would probably say the word, “dracarys” and my dragons would just glare at me...
Heck they would roll their eyes, sigh and walk away... and go look for someone more badass... more "Hiccup"-y to be their keeper...
I could not control the 15-year-old kids I used to teach, who sometimes did remind me of dragons, pretty sure I would not be able to control dragons...
The only badass thing I do is play Christmas songs in July...
I know right! But sometimes you have the mood to listen to Hark the Herald in July... So I know the rules say Christmas tunes in December... But I like to break the rules sometimes... It's called being a badass...Yeah... Ok... I'm not badass... I'm also a terrible daughter... I'm like the worst daughter a person could have...
If your daughter is giving
you problems right now... and you feel like throwing something... at
her... but you can't do that cause you know... social services... just
remember one thing... the one thing to make you feel better... to
calm you down... that things could be worse... you could have had ME for a daughter...
My mom is also our traffic police, zealously ensuring not only she, but we too,
follow the traffic rules without compromise... Like staying within the speed limit and wearing our seat-belts.
We, her, trying to be cute and funny kids, but she probably calls us bad words in her mind, bad words like "ungrateful", always joke, that she
would probably tell on us to the cops if we were ever caught.
Probably even dutifully list out all our offenses.
“Officer.
My son didn't wear his seat-belt just now.”
Yeah. She's the 'more-your-friend-than-mom' cool mom like Lorelai Gilmore, with the jokes and fun, but without the being ok about us doing messed-up things and getting into trouble. The one who tells us when we're wrong but only because she wants us to be the best that we can be.
But
the one job I wish she could give up on is being my unasked for PR
agent.
Cause everyone knows about my eating
patterns, my workout regimen, how I sleep, the celebrity I'm
crushing on, my lack of social life... you get the
picture...
Like
the other day. Family friends were visiting. And their kids; a
13-year-old girl and 14-year-old boy were talking to me.
I guess they felt sorry for me, seeing me being so awkward and out of my element in the company of adults, and decided to keep me company....
Could also be because I was standing next to the table of food, and they wanted the chicken nuggets...
Ok maybe I want them chicken nuggets too...
And no... the sudden craving for chicken nuggets has nothing to do with Tyler Hoechlin.
