9) The Tale of Having a Meltdown over Tyler Hoechlin's Birthday Gift to his TV Wife

So it was Tyler Hoechlin's Superman & Lois co-star, Bitsie Tulloch's Birthday... He gave her a gift... I had a jealous meltdown...  

Beginning to realize, there's something wrong with me... Oh well... I've always been a little... unique? Is that the word? Or is it loony?

I am fully aware that this may be the most embarrassing post I've ever written.... The hope my family doesn't discover this blog kind of embarrassing... where I go on and on about my crush, Tyler Hoechlin...

I may have started small... like a trickle of words... then bricks got added... and now we may have The Wall... that only a White Walker dragon could bring down..

I do know that ramblings like these are embarrassing... because normal people don't just go around spewing love proclamations for a man and cheese all in the same blog post; it's tacky...

But that being said, am I going to make any changes to the blog and remove the embarrassing, cheesy prose?

Probably not... 

I like living life dangerously (or so I say... then I remember I'm the woman who runs screaming to her mom when she sees a bug... and no... not when I was a kid... this happened last week)...

 

So the man gives his brooding stare... and I stare it... engrossed...

What is it about Tyler Hoechlin's brooding look that leaves me in a puddle of melting ice-cream...   

For reasons I can't explain... this guy has been making me do things I don't normally do... 

Crazy things... Things like think of a man...

When food used to be the only thing on my mind... I would go to sleep dreaming of food...  

No creamy green eyes.... or sweet words... seduced me... 

No pickled pecs... salty abs... Or juicy smile kept me up all night, dreaming...

 

No man filled my thoughts... or made me sigh with longing...  

It was pizza that kept me up all night, filled with yearning...

P.S. Wow.. Almost a rhyme... My mom would have been proud... Nope.. I take that back.. Looking back at this post... Proud isn't exactly the adjective I would use to describe my mom's feelings if she ever read this blog...

Even if you're just a gif, I wished you didn't agree so happily with my mom's utter lack of pride in me, Tyler...

 

The only thing I used to want was food... never men...

Cakes... Pizza... Pies... Tacos.... 

Fun Fact : Just like a taco, I have fillings too.... of the fatty kind...

Wasn't that fact fun? You're welcome... 

I guess it wasn't a fun fact... 

I kinda feel the glaring look... perfected by Tyler Hoechlin is just right for when I go into my rambling...  can make people want to go into hibernation... prose...

I may need more of it as I continue to write this blog post.. 

Thanks, Tyler... 

And here I was, the type of person, who never liked any form of facial hair on men...

A clean-shaven guy is what I like to see...

I don't even like anything furry... I can't hold hamsters...  

A cat or dog brushes against me... and I need to bathe for seven years...

Till this fully bearded guy happened... 

And in other instances, I would be like "HAIR NO!" but for some crazy reason... I find all that beardyness sexy... 

He earns the distinction of being the only hairy guy I've ever liked...

Actually weirdest of all is me actually loving all that hair... the beard... the scruff... all that hair on his arm... even his hairy knuckles...

I hope to someday have an explanation for my fascination of all things Hoechlin... which hopefully leads to a cessation of the said fascination... 

The guy with the 'so-born-to-play-a-werewolf hairy, even his fingers are hairy', hands... 

I mean I assume that's how a werewolf's hand would be... long and hairy.... and so lovely... 

And yes I realize, attempting to make it rhyme does not make the above sentence less nauseating... 

Tyler agrees... Hence, let us shift our focus away from those hairy hands... and direct our attention to his chest, biceps and slender waist... 

That culminates in envy towards those lucky... 

say it with me... LUCKY  women of his, who have had the chance to fall into those arms... rest their heads on his chest... and hold onto his biceps...

A cuddle made in dreams.... 

I reiterate... and in caps... LUCKY...

Editor: Just a reminder that you are not a teenage novelist writing a teen novel… please act your age!

Me: I guess Sweet Valley High will be proud.

Editor: Nope…

 

Ughhh! I hate this! You’re so annoying, Editor!

 

I remember once, one of the Superman and Lois cast member shared a photo and only his arm was visible... but most of the fandom could recognize that it was him with just that arm... 

Nobody had to tag him in that photo... We just knew... Just like that... That arm belongs to Tyler Hoechlin.... 

The cap probably helped too... 

Poor guy uses the cap to hide his face when he wants to have a good time without fans finding out he's in a particular place... but not realizing that the cap is a dead giveaway... 

 

We know, Tyler! We know...

It's also how we figure out it's you... 

 

What I admire about Tyler Hoechlin's fans is that they can find him in the background of random videos posted by others even when he's not tagged... 

They can recognize him when he's at a distance or partially seen...

While I can't even find myself in my old school group photos... I see a sea of faces in the same blue uniform... that all Malaysian students wear... and can't recognize my own face...

Actually it's not only Tyler's arm that we recognize... 

It's also his voice... his laughter... his peace sign... 

No matter how much he tries to hide in the background of the video... out of the frame of the camera... we hear the sultry sound of his voice... yes sultry is the word I'm going with... and we immediately know it's him... 

The power of the "Hoech" effect... 

Yeah I don't know what this means, but I have seen it used a lot by his fans...  

So I've decided to hop on the "Hoech" bandwagon and use the word too... 

Hopefully this will finally make me a full-fledged member of his Phi Beta Gamma Cuppa Mai Tai Club...

Cause seriously... who doesn't like a cocktail now and then...

 

If you're wondering why I sound like a whining mess... trust me, it's only gonna get worse... 

Which isn't exactly what one is supposed to write when starting a blog post... like not a good recommendation to get people to continue reading the said blog post... 

But I'm all about honesty and transparency... 

Also I gave up on shame a long time ago... Cause C'est la vie... That's life... 

Brilliant I am, I know! Merci beaucoup...

And yes... I'm just trying to show off with a little French parlé... because the man pictured above loves all things French... 

But then maybe my smart gene was on sick leave because I thought it was spelt ses la vie.. or say la v... seras vie... and had to Google the correct spelling... 

But hey at least I got the pronunciation correct... 

Oh wait... 

Ok I checked... Google said pronunciation correct... Thank you Google... 

So anyway the photo shared by the cast... (as seen above)

When it hit me that I was staring at that arm... utterly captivated... was when I realized I probably need help at this point... 

Like I could write sonnets to those arms... especially when it comes with those things called the biceps... I seriously could...

I mean... IF I could... I can't... 

But IF I could... I would... I would if I could...  

Yes, I would... I surely would..

Don't be embarrassed, Tyler...

Also I realize it would probably be embarrassing... if I find out that his fans were wrong... and that isn’t actually him in that photo...

Anyway, for the sake of argument... let’s just assume those are his arms... because I could definitely "shake" the "peare" out of those arms....  

Thou thinkest only thou canst write sonnets, O' Shakespeare, peer of the sonnet realm... I canst too... 

See yonder my prose... Lackluster, they are not....  

Man this is exhausting...

Fun Fact : Did you know the word, lackluster was invented by Shakespeare... He used it in one of his plays... He also invented words like bandit, critic, dauntless, dwindle and many others... 

Man who knew... The things you learn reading my blog...

Sorry... I was trying to get my Tennyson on, Tyler.... Or I should say my Tylerson on... 

But since my poetry skills (unlike my mother's, who's a wonderful poet), remain at pens, “I got a pen. My pen is blue. I'm crushing on you. Wanna be my boo?”.... 

I think I'll refrain.... 

Wouldn't want Emily Dickinson paying me a visit tonight... to admonish me for my lackluster... normal people would say horrible... poetry attempts.... and becoming the "thing" that perches on my bed's headboard.... 

I'd much rather have hope perching in my soul.

Sorry, Bitsie... Just trying to sound smart... and be smart... like you...

Apparently not working... Moving on... 

Man, when you write a post like a teenager hankering after the star quarterback.... 

Which comes from all the teen shows Netflix keeps suggesting to me... 

Look, my teenage cousin stayed over and maybe we did watch a lot of teen shows during her stay... But it was only that one time... Only when she was around... 

Stop judging me, Netflix!

Although maturity wise, I'm probably at “teen” level... No offense, teens... So maybe Neflix may have valid justifications for their reasoning... 

Also... Maybe I do enjoy watching these shows... They are so interesting... 

Your only worry is whether the hot guy in school likes you... There are no bosses... bills... or car servicing and how much it's gonna cost this time... to worry you... Life is also way more fun as a teen... 

Anyway... Back to Tyler Hoechlin...  

And his fans... Whom I'm indebted to... for the gifs and photos of him that they share so generously... 

His laugh does wonders for my soul.... and when I'm having a bad day, I can safely say, “I was blessed with cuteness this morning”...

Ok actually mostly I say this when my colleagues and friends send cute photos of their kids.... but it can also be used for Tyler...

 

Yeah... you...

 

So Tyler Hoechlin and his magnificent appendage... His arm... in that photo shared by the cast member, above...

Just to be clear... It's not that I wanted to stare at his arm... 

I did it mostly for research purposes... Like what kind of workout does it take to get those arms... how many reps... how heavy his weights... 

See research... Purely academic purposes... 

Very Professor McGonagall… Prim and proper.... No sleaziness at all... 

I'm like a nun, yo, very respectable.... even if I think Tyler is da bomb! (this is how they talk on those teen shows)...

Wait, Tyler... Don't go... I'm just getting started... 

Trust me, it's going to get even more embarrassing from here on out... 

And I say this with no shame whatsoever... 

I'm like, why feel shame.... be proud of being an embarrassing mess...

 

I guess Tyler accepts his fate and my shameless ways... 

Or I should say, his gif is...

  

Let me begin my sordid tale...  

P.S. I just realized I wrote a bunch of annoying, rambling, vomit-inducing drivel about Tyler and his limbs before getting to my actual post... I may need professional help... Sorry, Tyler...

 

It looks like Tyler is bracing for the worst, doesn't it?

So recently, Bitsie Tulloch, Tyler Hoechlin's co-star in the Superman & Lois series, shared in her IG story that Tyler got her a gift for her Birthday...

 

He baked her a bread! 

How sexy is that... 

Nothing says "sexy" than a man who cooks and bakes... 

And when I say sexy, I'm usually referring to the food..

 

     

 

 

 

 

Most fans : 

awwwwww 

Tyler Hoechlin baked @BitsieTulloch a bread for her Birthday. 

He's so sweet!

He's gorgeous and he bakes too...  

He's so perfect... Sighhhhh... 

 

 

My reaction :

Whattttt????

I'm honest.

And also a jealous 5-year-old. 

Ok Ok... Just kidding.... You don't have to glare at me, Tyler... 

I already feel like a naughty little girl... 

Should I go stand in the corner?

 

Editor: Sorry for the irritating babble of this blogger... She has sleep deprivation syndrome.

Yes... An illness I totally made up... I also made up the editor... I'm cool like that...

 

Thank you Tyler... I mean I hope those were words of sympathy from you...

and not words asking me to go find a rock, crawl under it and never come out...  

 

Making things worse is the fact that he got her a board game, which to me is like the perfect gift... as I'm a board game nut... 

Although most people would say I'm a bit of a nut in most aspects of my life... so nutty... I should be named Hazelnut...

I usually just ignore them...  

8) Yuletide Joy; I Love Christmas

This is my rambling Christmas tale... I love Christmas. I love everything about the season; the timeless tunes, the food, the weather, the corny movies... I ramble on quite a bit about all the things I love about Christmas... I go off-topic quite a lot... as usual... Sorry... I ate too much cookies and maybe drank the rum that my mom was keeping for the fruit cake... I'm old as fudge cake, but I think my mom just grounded me... 

I guess there's a cut-off age to being grounded but am I going to tell my mom that... Probably not... Pretty sure there's an unwritten rule out there somewhere... that under no circumstances... should thou ire thou maman during the Christmas season... unless thou fancy missing the bountiful repast thou maman will prepare... 

For me, missing out on the cooking my mom does so well especially during Christmas... is as horrifying as finding out Santa isn't real... which I did when I was like 8? No... last year... All those letters to Santa... gone to waste...

 

Heard this on a show I was watching... A Christmas tune that's just like me... Slightly crooked... A little off-center...

 

I love Decembers.... For with it comes Christmas; the season I love the most. 

The time for Christmas food, Christmas songs, and Christmas cheer... 

As you look forward with anticipation to the huge gathering of family and friends that come this time of year.... and the food... Let's not forget the food... 

The weather in Malaysia, during this time, or what my mom calls, the Christmas weather, is perfect... We don't have snow but there's a slight, cold breeze that plays with your hair and makes you feel all warm and gooey inside... 

Maybe it's the season... but it does seem like the perfect time for feeling all warm and gooey...

In Malaysia, it's the monsoon season, from November to March... A time for thunderstorms and non-stop rain... when all my senses are activated... 

It's usually quite cold, compared to the warmer climate we're accustomed to... but then again... as the great Queen once said... "the cold has never bothered me anyway".

Sorry... It's Christmas, the time for cheesy lines, potatoes, meatballs and pies... 

More coming your way...   

 

Thanks for the enthusiasm...

 

Christmas in Malaysia....

👀 A time for watching the gathering storm, the dark, puffy clouds and stormy skies,

👂 listening to the sound of thunder in the distance and the falling rain,

👃 and the earthy scent that comes from a heavy downpour. 

👄 The activation of my sense of taste; enjoying the rain with some comfort food.

P.S. Fooled you, did I with that lips emoji? Trust me, I ain't kissing no fella under the mistletoe... like that mommy who kissed Santa Claus under the mistletoe, and traumatized her child, who would probably need therapy... 

The poor kid... 

P.S. Fun Story. My mom told us... that when my father, my very conservative, traditional Indian father, first heard the song, 'I saw mommy kissing Santa Claus', he was scandalized.

Until my mom patiently and gently explained to him that the "mommy" WASN'T actually cheating on her husband, and that Santa was actually her husband in disguise... 😀

 

Probably my father's reaction hearing that song...

 

My poor father... I'm just glad my mom cleared my dad's outrage... Wouldn't want him to wrongly think the worst of some random woman in a song now, would we?...  

It's like Lois Lane... Imagine the many people who have wrongly judged her because they saw her hugging or kissing Superman... 

"Look at Lois, cheating on her poor, innocent, dorky husband, Clark... Tsk... Tsk.... I get that he's Superman... But Clark will be devastated when he finds out.." 

Sorry...

I was thinking how a perfect day for me would be sitting by the window, watching the pouring rain with a good book in my hand and a mug of coffee and a slice of Christmas cake by my side.... Coffee blended with whipped cream on top would make it even more perfect... with a dash of rum... 

And I remembered Tyler Hoechlin and the photoshoot of him gorgeously sitting by the window... 

Oh well... It's Christmas... A time for daydreams and fantasies... of Santa and Angels granting wishes... and this brooding man in my dreams...       

Sorry... I sometimes forget I'm in my 40s... and not a kid anymore...

Although I do wish I was a kid again so I could be out there playing in the rain... a little dancing and singing in the rain...

I mean I could dance in the rain now. My neighbors already think I'm nuts so a little dancing in the rain is not going to make a difference. 

Come to think of it, I think I did this step while walking into the house one day. 

Oh my poor mom... The things she has to endure having me for a daughter...

I think I've embarrassed my mom enough as it is, so I'll refrain from dancing in the rain... Cause it's Christmas and I'm feeling generous.

Also... I really suck at dancing... My dancing is so bad, I look like I'm trying to choke myself... Or that I need to pee.. 

I know that I'm an Indian and should be genetically predisposed to dancing... Like haven't you seen all those Bollywood movies... every Indian has those killer dance moves. 

I'm the odd one out... Like my DNA is missing those dancing cells... I'm no Hrithik Roshan for sure... who not only looks good... but has the moves too... the dancing moves... 

So no putting on my dancing shoes and dancing my blues away...

Staring at the falling rain is what I do best. 

Anyway... Christmas!

I love Christmas and everything that goes with it. Some may call it a money-making scam, robbing you of everything you own and your sanity, but I don't. 

I love the season. I always have... And I love buying things for my loved ones.

I love the feelings that come from Christmas. I love the corny Christmas movies. I love planning the Christmas menu with my family. I love getting out the Christmas decorations and seeing the house all decorated. 

Of course usually all my Christmas ideas and suggestions are rejected... 

My job is to hand the tape... and climb the ladder and bring the Christmas decorations box down... or stick things on high walls...

 

Exactly the reaction I get too when I give my ideas...

 

I love the smell of baking that fills the house when I come home from work, thanks to my mom and her awesome baking skills. 

Nothing like the torture of the scent of your mom's wonderful cooking coming from the kitchen, while you wait for the food to be ready.

I love going to church and singing Christmas hymns.

Most of all, I love being at home, exchanging presents, surrounded by family, extended family and close friends, as we celebrate Christmas together. 

I LOVE CHRISTMAS!

It's the most wonderful time of the year!

Sometimes I wish I could afford to take just the whole month off.. The entire month of December... so I could enjoy the season and all its glories... To bake and cook for my loved ones... To work on the presents... To get the house ready... To just bask in the season...

I love Christmas Tunes!

December comes and it's time to dust out those timeless Christmas tunes. To open that playlist titled “Christmas” that stays silent until December... 

Maybe it's the cool breeze in the air, or the sweet scent of baking, or the Christmas decorations... December is the month for warmth and yuletide joy.. 

I mean you could listen to Christmas tunes in May. Ain't nobody stopping you. 

And I have been that girl, who listened to Christmas tunes in July and felt like such a badass... Like cool Jason Statham in the Transporter series. 

 

Man... How hot is Jason Statham...

 

But December is when you feeeeeel these Christmas tunes.  

I enjoy going to church and hearing these songs... I'm like the weird person who excitedly waits to see what hymns they're going to sing... then do a fist pump when it's a song I like and enjoy singing... while my mom winces at my childish behavior then maybe pretends to not be related to me (in her mind) when I sing loudly... in my cats could scream voice... occasionally out of tune... but definitely with passion...  

Weird looks and stares from the congregation is a given though.... when I massacre the songs (their words not mine)... by singing them according to the melody a singer has made his or her own... instead of the traditional version. 

If they could talk in church, they would probably say, “That's not how it's sung, dear”. 

Oh really... but that is how Cliff Richard sings “O Little Town”. 

 

People's reaction to my singing too...

 

Yeah. I'm the girl, the church choir hates, for ruining their perfect rendition with my awful, cats can kill themselves, frogs hate me, voice.  

Pretty sure I sang to a cat once and the cat slapped me... True Story... 

But when I hear songs like "Shine Jesus Shine" and “Shout to the Lord”, which are my favorite Christian songs, suddenly sung in church, I can't help but sing the song loudly... 

It's a song that calls for passionate singing even if I sound like a broken kettle, and the low parts of the song can kill flies when I sing it. 

 

How I kill flies with my voice... 

 

I'm sorry, church choir people, I can't help it. I love singing these hymns, so I continue to be the weird girl in church, who sings loudly, off-key, in her horrendous voice... because it's church and they can't have any murderous intent towards me... and my mom can't be embarrassed by me.... 

I mean she could and she probably is... but she would feel guilty for feeling that way.... as it's church and you are supposed to only have good thoughts... 

And not think how cute Tyler Hoechlin looked in the Instagram posts his fans have been sharing... wait... did I just say that out loud...

Note to self : Don't look at Insta while waiting for your mom to get ready for church.. 

Because that smile... or those mesmerizing hazel green eyes and brooding look is gonna haunt you...

 hmmmmmm where was I??? 

 

Yeah.. Although I feel guilty for my mind wandering elsewhere... 

And I scold myself for being a bad person...

But when it comes to Tyler Hoechlin, it's like all the "angels got together to sprinkle moondust in his hair.. and starlight in his eyes of sparkling green".

  

Sorry... Where was I? 

So I guess I'm perpetually on Santa's naughty list... probably why I've never gotten any gifts from Santa... 

I thought it's because he's from the North Pole, and he can't take our hot Asian weather? 

But it's not him... It's me, isn't it?

Touche! 

The copious amount of fruit cake I consumed is really working its magic, huh?

My conscience to me : Yeah right, blame it on the rum.