17) The Tale of Playing Scrabble with my Mom

#QuarantineBlues This is the tale of playing Scrabble with my mom... who is like a walking dictionary... putting words that I need to consult the dictionary on my phone secretly to know their meaning...

Secretly because I don't want my mom to laugh at me... or give me the “did I really birth this child” look... because I didn't know the word... as I'm the person, who not only can't spell apocalypse, I can't pronounce it either... Also my go-to-word on Scrabble is usually 3-letter long... I like to take the road more simple... 

Anyway, good news, I won against my mom, the Scrabble Yoda...

How did I win? Read on my rambling tale to find out, where I go off-topic a lot... about cats and dilatory... and why I don't have kids... which may make people want to throw scrabble tiles at me... 

I'm sorry... Please don't triple word score me... I really am trying my best with this writing thing...  

So the other day, I played Scrabble with my mom because it's her favorite game... She's the Obi-Wan Kenobi of Scrabble... Yeah I don't know what this means, I was just trying to sound cool...

Anyway, I was doing the whole trying to be a good daughter thing... which I'm not really good at... but I was trying to learn a new skill... 

Tried Googling “How to be a good daughter” but Google wasn't really helpful... There was some mention of dragons... dancing on trains... battling minotaurs and stuff...  

So I stopped reading but thought to myself... playing the game she loves would probably count... so Scrabble, it is... 

Also I was bored... and was too lazy to read or watch TV... 

 

So I guess I'm not winning any daughter points?

Oh well... Never expected to... 

I'm very accepting of my lack of daughter skills... 

 

Anyways.... This the tale of our scrabble game...

The scrabble board is out... My mom goes first...

She makes one long word that uses almost all her tiles...

I put, “dog”...

She looks at me... I look at her... She looks at me again...

I'm like... what??? I like dogs... 

I mean not in the I want to keep them as pets kind of way... cause taking care of myself is already a losing battle... 

Also I don't like anything furry... I can't stand the feeling of fur touching me... actually I don't like anything touching me.... which is a sordid tale for another day...

A dog or cat brushes by me... I wince... scream... cry... shower for 7 days...

Do the whole shoulder thing... with my body all curled up... 

End up offending the cat or dog owner... 

It's not like I don't like cats... 

I like cute kittens with their adorable faces... Cute smile... 

But then they turn into cats...

Yeah I'm a horrible person... 

You could say a cad... 

 

Shut up? 

Ok...

 

I'm sorry pet owners... I don't want to hurt you... I know your pets are like your babies... but I don't like anything touching me... 

So can you please get your pets to stay far away from me... like perhaps in another room... And don't just let them roam around and come rub themselves against your guests... 

Rubbing yourself against complete strangers is considered rude.. Didn't you teach your pets that? 

Like see what you do to babies; put them in a cage so they don't roam about the house... 

Yeah... I know they are not called cages... but to a kid they may seem like cages...

So anyway cots.... cribs... pram... Yes... These were all my scrabble words... Can't you tell... 😅

Wait.. People actually let their kids crawl around the house... 

Hmmm Who knew... I thought they were always  caged... cribbed up... I should visit more friends...  

See what happens when you give kids too much freedom of movement... 

Luckily I'm not a mom.... 

Not because of the difficulties that come from caring for a kid.... but because of the whole “what if I get a kid just like me”... 

I'm already feeling sorry for myself just thinking about it...

Man, taking care of children is hard.... They say it's not rocket science... 

But have you done rocket science? No? Me too. So how are we going to compare it to rocket science.. 

Like I didn't know toddlers are not supposed to eat cake until they turn one because of the sugar... Like who knew??? I could have unknowingly poisoned my child, poor Christen and Kristen...

Or drugged them... Like my colleague actually did the other day... by accidentally giving her toddler her own cough syrup instead of the kid's... The kid slept for hours..

I really hope babies come with a baby manual... cause I don't want to harm the kid... 

A reset button would be nice too in case I unknowingly make a mistake... and the ability to remove their batteries when they cry too loudly...

Although I'm just glad babies come fully fixed and we don't have to DIY them....

Because all this baby stuff is enough to make anyone live in a constant state of worry... 

Don't feed them this or that... This cry means they're hungry... That one means gas... This cry means they are just cranky... 

How do they know?!

Then there are parents whose antenna lights up when their children get into trouble... do something they are not supposed to... or when their kid is lying... 

How do parents know this stuff... Is there like a Guardian Angel network where the Guardian Angel reports to the parents when their children mess up... 

Paging parents of Crystal Bethany... This is Alpha One calling Bravo Two. Do you read me? Here is an update on the status of your first born... 

She lied to her friends... Said the dress was nice when it wasn't... Also she ate a pizza... And yes she enjoyed the pizza... 

 

This is the loving gaze I give my slice of pizza.... 

If I'm gonna kill my diet.. I would rather do it with pizza..

 

She just finished work... She should be home soon... Over... 

Like is this how it works? 

Although my Guardian Angel probably wouldn't have much to complain about me... cause I'm like good... 

Don't wait-what me, Tyler.. 

I'm serious... I'm like the Fraulein of the Maria kind... The only sin I commit is eating sinful food... and maybe losing my temper... 

And I may have the sin of pride... of hubris (P.S. Angels would probably use this word cause they're, you know.. angelic)... 

16) RIP Sidney Poitier

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Thanks to my mom who introduced us kids to the timeless, classic films and music of the 50s, 60s and 70s.... I have fond memories of watching To Sir With Love and being in awe of this man who commanded the scene with his presence.

Watching the way he played the role of a teacher able to change his students from rowdy teenagers, to capable young adults... it made me think of my mom, a teacher who could take any class that other teachers didn't want... and turn them into students who were attentive, passed their exams, and still come looking for her, 20, 30, 4o years after she had taught them. 

The type of teacher, who can get even the most unenthusiastic student interested in studying... 

 

A neighbor, who was worried that her daughter was not concentrating in her studies, asked if my mom could help her a little by some tutoring... 

My mom said yes and now the young girl, excitedly comes every few days a week to study with my mom... Making her mom and my mom so happy to see her so keen to learn...  

It takes passion, and love and respect for the students you have pledged to teach, to be a successful teacher that will always be remembered... 

The sincerity from my mom... The passionate way she teaches and the love for her students... Her avid love for knowledge that bounces off her and gets her students interested in their studies too... 

I know that the reason I got through my schooling days and did well, was because of her guidance when young... 

Which Sidney Poitier showed in To Sir with Love... I remember there was a scene in the movie, when he taught his students how to make a salad to get them to eat healthy...

And it resonated with me because I remember when I was young... seeing my mom take loaves of bread, eggs and all kinds of food to school... 

15) The Tale of My Babysitting Adventures

This is the tale of my babysitting adventures... Which was like a horror movie but without the spooky calls from inside the house, creepy-looking kids, or toys trying to kill us... The horror part of it comes from my little pony lectures, my can-drive-people-crazy ramblings on Tyler Hoechlin, and me being a dreadful babysitter... I'm actually a horrible person in general; I don't know why people keep trusting me with their kid...

You would think with Tyler Hoechlin being my celebrity crush and current obsession, that my YouTube history will be filled with Tyler stuff; interviews, clips from his movies, random "Tyler is hot" videos from his fans, etc...

It isn't... Yeah... I'm a weird obsessive fan... 

The kind who says she's crazy about her celebrity crush... and can't stop thinking about him... but spends her time reading a book instead... I do love to read; it was what got me through my childhood... 

I don't even have his face as my phone or computer wallpaper...

Yes Tyler... I'm shocked too... 

I'm so proud of my restraint...

I should hug my willpower for its fortitude.

 

You believe me, don't you, Tyler?

 

Smart guy...

 

  

So maybe I use the private mode to Google him...

Hey... I don't want Google to know about my obsession with him... 

Some things I prefer to keep private... from Google... 

like my stash of chocolate truffles and candy bars, and its secret hiding place... 

my inability to say no to dessert... 

and my crazy, unexplained, I-wish-it-could-go-away crush on Tyler Hoechlin...

Also his face as my laptop wallpaper would mean I won't get any work done... 

I stared at the above Tyler gif for like close to 10 minutes... just watching him say "whatttt...." (yes... what is wrong with me indeed)

So yeah... My wallpaper is just random scenery stuff... Cause I could seriously spend my entire day staring at his face... 

Anyway, it's not like I haven't memorized his face... so I don't really need to stare at him every day... 

And yes I admit this freely without an ounce of shame... hey I listen to all the motivational stuff that says like who you like, don't care what others say, be yourself... so if the "myself" is a little bit loopy, that's what I'm going to continue to be...    

 

Tyler Hoechlin's gif seems to be resigned to my loopy obsession of him... maybe even supportive... a girl can hope... 

 

Anyway got my customary giddy raving about Tyler Hoechlin every time I write a blog post out of the way... 

Now I can go back to my babysitting tale.

So I opened my YouTube account the other day, in front of my colleagues, and there in all its glory was my watch history... 

 

Hey! Excuse me! 

Not this kind of watch history!

I'm no Castiel. The clueless, "I-don't-get-the-reference" angel, who watches totally inappropriate stuff occasionally... without realizing he's watching inappropriate stuff... but then continues to watch it...

Just to clarify... I don't watch stuff like that... Everything I watch has people with clothes on...  

Say what you want, but clothes were invented for a reason so I prefer to see people with clothes ON not off...  

I don't even want to see myself without clothes... If I could I would bathe with clothes on...   

 

Too much information, Oliver Queen? Ok sorry... Moving on... 

 

14) The tale of irritating the IT guy in my office

When the IT guy in my office starts his "explanation" on what's wrong with my PC using words I don't understand, when all I want him to do is tell me my baby is gonna be ok... I also prattle on a little about MacGyver, the 80s series I used to enjoy as a kid... Not really sure why my computer problem made me suddenly reminisce about the 80s and think of MacGyver... I realize I'm a very strange woman. 

A Note to the IT guy in my Office

Look, I don't mean to be the type of person you wish you could erase with a click of your mouse... but could you please tell me what's wrong with my PC and what I need to do... in a language I can understand... 

and not all that ancient alien stuff you're spewing... Cause I'm listening to you talk and all I hear is "Ancient Astronaut Theorists suggest..." 

Think of me as a 4-year-old learning my ABCs... Cause I didn't get a word you were saying just now... or what I'm supposed to do to solve my PC problem.

Are you speaking Kryptonese? Cause it certainly sounded like that to me. 

I know these are just common, everyday words to you. 

They're NOT for me.

Yes. This is exactly what you look like to me right now with that fast way you were saying your words, using a jargon, only you can understand. 

Hey, you can minion talk me all you want, with your "po-ka" and "la-boda" but the only thing going through my mind is... I want a banana... which would be lovely in some milk shake... that has a dash of rum... Cause that oatmeal I had for lunch didn't really satisfy my gastronomic urges.   

You can stare at me, all you want, Michael Scott, but I'm willing to bet a lot of IT people in your "office" have also filled you with the urgent need for a spiked milkshake.

Yes, Mr. IT Guy? No... my mind isn't wandering... Still paying attention... but still not getting what you're saying...

Whoaaa... So that's how the insides of a computer looks like... And that's why you brought all your gadgets... I was wondering why you needed all those mechanic tools... 

Was kinda worried you were going to use them on me... to you know... tighten those bolts in my head...  

No... I'm not giggling at you... Just randomly giggling at my own stupid joke... I do that all the time... laugh at my own jokes... They are not funny... but they seem to amuse me...

What's that you said? No!!! I don't really have bolts in my head... It was a joke...

I know... I know... The joke wasn't very good... I didn't say I was Wanda Sykes... 

What, Mr. IT Guy? Wanda Sykes??? Oh... She??? She's a comedian... 

I was trying to be a comedian too... 

Why do you have the confused look on your face, Mr. IT Guy? 

The look that says, “Please don't quit your day job”.... which, to be honest, is a look I get often at my every attempt to be funny... 

So you don't watch comedies? You probably watch IT movies, eh?

Like what??? Maybe Swordfish??? I watched it during my university days... 

Haven't seen it? It's an IT film... It was about hacking and stuff... Hugh Jackman was in it... Yeahhh the Wolverine guy...    

He can do such diverse roles, don't you agree? Comedy... Drama... brooding... Did you know he once played a Duke... I love the Victorian era... Especially the big hoop skirts.... One of my favorite authors is Georgette Heyer and her Regency books... 

Man. Hugh Jackman is such a cool actor, isn't he? 

Wait... Hang on... I didn't catch what you were saying, Mr. IT Guy? 

No... Nothing is wrong with me... Why do you keep asking me that...

No... I'm not talking about Victoria's Secret... Why do all men only think of models? Like couldn't men just stick to thinking of sports...

Yeah I do like to talk a lot... 

You don't really consider hacking as IT? 

Well... Ok... I hear you...

What did you say, Mr. IT Guy? 

That you were probably not even born yet when I was doing my degree? 

Wait... How old do you think I am...  

No... I'm not showing you the finger... 

That's my Wolverine impersonation...